Why I’m Turning ‘Professional’ To Successfully Complete My 100km & Book
So I’ve started properly writing the book and for the first time I’ve truly realised that I’m in a bit of a rut.
My story is the fucking same year-on-year. It goes like this.
I try to get healthier. I get a little bit healthier. Then I celebrate with many pies. Then I get depressed at having gained weight from said pies. Then I try to get healthier again.
It’s a pretty fucking boring cycle and I don’t want the book or this blog to be 2 dimensional.
I need to offer people some hope that there is a way out of their binge-eating, over-drinking and depressive thoughts.
Otherwise the alternative is turning back into this man and the blog dying off.
The book will only be as good as the last part of it.
You’ve all read about my boozy exploits in the past and whilst they may have been entertaining for all of 5 minutes, I need to evolve past that a little to successfully complete this 100k.
If I sit around eating cheese all day and don’t change my diet and attitude, then this blog and the book itself will make for very boring reading.
That’s why I’m working on the last section of this book first. It’s gonna be the most difficult to write as it’s still happening.
But if I dedicate myself to getting healthier who’s to say that I can’t….
- Run a marathon in under 4 hours in 2014?
- Complete the 100k without shitting myself in either a metaphorical or literal sense?
- Overcome the depressive episodes and feel less anxiety in day-to-day life?
I’m going to write the book that I would want to buy. The book that would’ve inspired me into running when I was still 280lbs.
It’s up to me to make it as good as it can be.
The same applies to my life. I’ve gotta take full responsibility for happens next.
This post was originally inspired by No Meat Athlete’s post in 2013 about Turning Pro ,which is an article about becoming accountable to yourself and working towards the future you want by becoming the person capable of achieving those dreams.
I was sitting here reading it last night whilst eating a Pot Noodle and thought to myself.
Can I really run this 100K if I carry on in the same manner?
And the answer is no.
It’s not that there’s anything wrong with eating Pot Noodles. The problem is that I haven’t changed at all. I complain about being depressed but at the same time I have another Mars Bar and think ‘fuck it all I’ll be able to run it off’
I don’t run just to burn shit off. I run to become stronger both mentally and physically.
Writing is now my full time occupation after having to come out of full-time employment with stress.
That’s why I started the Indiegogo project, I wanted some time to find myself through my writing.
Life is short. I’ve figured that you can wait too long for life to find you.
Sometimes you’ve gotta go out and find your fucking life.
Some days I feel like a complete fucking idiot for wanting to go through with this and at other times I’m so excited that I can’t contain myself.
I’m brought down to reality by the fact I’ve taken a huge risk and that it could backfire drastically.
For example, I ran today for the 3rd consecutive day and struggled to maintain a 10-minute-mile.
And I’m meant to be writing a book on running?
But you know what? I don’t care anymore about the fear. Every time I go through our living room I see this picture of my dad.
He looks very happy there with a fish he tempted into his boat. He was an excellent angler, but worked a job he hated for 20 years.
It’s a pity he wasn’t able to somehow make a living doing what he enjoyed.
So what am I saying? Grow a fucking beard, take to the dams and become an expert fisherman?
No. I need to do what I love for a living.
I know that I love running and love writing. I’m not particularly good at either, but I owe it to myself to try to become the best I can be.
The next 4 months have the potential to be really fucking great. I’ve just gotta stop sabotaging my efforts by eating absolute fucking junk.