Running Is A Mentally Demanding Sport – The Traits Of Mentally Fragile Runners.
I really hadn’t a clue what to post tonight. I’m exhausted and I haven’t even been doing any exercise.
I thought I’d do an anti-post response to “The Traits Of Mentally Tough Runners” as I’m quickly running out of ideas for blogging.
Here are a few mental traits that you shouldn’t exhibit if you want to live until you’re 150 and run 25,000 marathon in that time.
- Scuppering your own efforts at fitness – For instance following a superb evening of running with an afternoon of fudge sundaes, cider and chocolate biscuits.
- Talking yourself out of a run altogether – So you have your running gear all ready. All you have to do is step out the door and GOOOOOOOO! But no. You sit in front of the TV, eat a bag of Doritos, lose the will to live/breathe and convince yourself you’ll run when it’s less wet/dry/cold/warm/airy/earthy outside.
- The ability to talk yourself into a wall in a race when you weren’t gonna hit one – Gotta love this. You’re running brilliantly and then suddenly you think “shit. 5 miles. I’m gonna hit the wall aren’t I?’. Then all of a sudden you feel a piercing pain in your left ball/tit, you tense up and then your run goes to shit.
- Comparing yourself to every other runner – You don’t know why either. You don’t know what constitutes good or bad. You never feel content in your own capability as a runner. You’re like the prom queen in a burns unit who knows she’s the prettiest chick on the ward, but when it comes to being the sexiest person on earth, you’re not up there with the lookers.
- Always finding a way to look at your run in a negative light – You manage to run 10 miles for the first time, but since you stepped in shit at mile 5 and saw your old flame with a new lover at mile 8, it was a complete disaster and you’re never running again!
- Inability to focus on the run – I don’t even know what the hell focus is? Does anyone? What should you be thinking about when you’re focused? On not dying? On just continuing? On trying to convince yourself that your last fart wasn’t a shit before conducting the dreaded two finger test?
- The inability to be motivated by your own goals – When I finished my marathon, I didn’t get all horny. I couldn’t piss for 8 hours afterward, was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. I didn’t feel like I’d achieved much. I try to motivate myself for races and events but I know largely how I’m gonna be at the end. I’ll be walking like I’ve shit myself and angling for a pint of cider. The healthy option is even worse. You have to take an ice bath, smile for a camera and then wank yourself silly until it’s St Swithin’s Day.
- Trusting your own bullshit training regime – You trust that you’ll train for your marathon properly this time but in the last few weeks you find yourself in the same position of having ran only 10 miles, wanting to cram 4×20 mile runs into your tapering periods.
- Thinking that you’re the only runner in a race – It’s your time to shine bitch! You need to pump those fists, spread the good vibe and waggle that pretty ass to show you’re IT. IT!!!!! It’s all about you! Spray your water in the air, like you just don’t care! Stop unexpectedly and start again by running backwards and cheering on your friends. KEEP IT GOING YOU LITTLE BADGER. NICE AND SWEET. GO ON. DO IT FOR YOUR MOTHER. AND YOUR FATHER. THEY ARE BOTH CRYING TREACLY TEARS FOR YOUR BRAVERY. Keep the word! Keep inspiring! Keep smiling! Do it for the crowd! YOU’RE NOW GOD-LIKE. BOW DOWN. BE A ROCK STAR. TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM! #FITFLUENTIAL
- Having no patience whatsoever with your running – So you’ve started running and you’ve managed a 3 mile run in 30 minutes on your first attempt. This is not good enough!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow you must run in it in 25 minutes and then the next day after that 20 minutes! Make progress or quit, you lame assed hoe!
- Letting one idiot ruin your race – It can be someone stopping directly in front of you at a water station, or a spectator yelling “hey fatty, keep wobbling like that and you’ll be home by 7!”. Either way you sink. And sink. And sink.
- Running one race to try to impress some idiot you hate – And then ruining your body in the process. That’s never wise.