Still Can’t Piss Without Gagging
When I can’t sleep now I run. I’m not gonna lie, if I could buy Nytol here I would. God bless conservative pharmacy laws, you’re really helping with my productivity.
You could say that I am not sober with those type of thoughts. It’s why I don’t go to AA or anything anymore. Addiction is not a disease. Addiction is a house fire. We are that house and our conditioning and experiences frame how quickly we burn. As I see it, it’s better to tackle the rooms that are burning most violently first. For me, that was my drinking. You have other rooms that burn, smaller addictions like coffee, weed or sex. They can all contribute to the house catching on fire again but instead of bringing a vodooo Damien Karras character to the blaze, I’ve called in the fire department (i.e. the professionals and not the witchdoctors who are unaccountable to science)
I am getting counseling and it’s helping..
The important thing is that you do something about the fire and not get overawed by it. I try to reach out if I need help or I listen to others and do what I can. It’s not much but bringing myself out of my own head is paramount.
And at the moment I use running to help.
I go outside and just hammer my feet on the pavements. If I meet anyone I don’t care. I don’t understand a word of Croatian so it’s all folly. I just pretend to be a ghost. I am in the imagination of whoever sees me. I am the fucking Green Man but instead of having a fully disfigured face I have teeth that look like a bombed out piano store in Damascus.
The problem with my running at the moment is that I keep discovering all night eateries on every jog. It’s like I’m playing Fallout 4 only the Wasteland is my mind.
You’ve discovered Goran’s Pastry Shack what do you wanna do?
- Say hi Goran, where are your tasty treats?
- Eat the tasty treats
- Reset all your good work by eating all the tasty treats!
I dunno whether to try to sleep now or just start drinking coffee again. Earlier I was gagging violently at the stench of my mocha piss. I had no idea coffee could make it reek this bad…
If I ran into Père Lachaise Cemetery right now and whizzed graveside I’m certain I could get Jim Morrison and Edith Piaf onto X Factor to do a duet next week. It’s that bad.