Starting All Over Again As A Runner In A Positive Frame Of Mind
I just completed an 8.56 mile run there in 1 hour 21 minutes and I’m back to feeling strong again, this time physically and mentally.
It was my first run back in Northern Ireland after almost 4 months and I felt a bit emotional revisiting my old route. I think the thing I miss about here the most is the kindness of strangers.
I’ve had nothing but encouragement in the 3 years that Carrickfergus was my stomping ground and it’s meant a lot to me.
I have to say that the last month or so have taken a lot of me.
The stress and utter madness of starting a business and planning for the 100k whilst living in a fucking hostel has driven me to the brink.
Most nights I drank maybe 2 or 3 pints just to try to sleep as I was always in a room full of people who sounded like they were trying to snort in wild boar.
I’d then wake up with a bout of self hatred after sabotaging my own training plans by giving into drink again and running any hope of ever truly succeeding at the 100k.
London round two.
The reason I moved into shared accommodation was that I was reluctant to stay in another person’s house after my experience in the last one.
It’s a little silly that I put my pride before anything else but that month that I stayed there was a serious bastard.
Anyway I’m heading back to London for round two and I’m wholly convinced that I will come out on top this time.
I have a job. I have somewhere great to stay. I will dedicate my nights to the book instead of worrying about it.
I didn’t play the perfect game in the last 3 months. I fucked up more times than I care to think about. I let myself become paralysed by fear of failure and regret about the past.
Where I go from here is entirely up to myself. I can view my 100k as a massive failure after it took me 26 hours or I can look at it as something that I can improve upon.
I could have so easily gave in at 80k but I knew that I had to finish it to give myself somewhere to work up from.
And that’s the only way I can view it. I’ve come a long, long way over the past 3 years but there’s still far to go and that’s what drives me up.
I refuse to give up or to give in to my demons. The fight will continue and I will have this.