Running My 4th Consecutive Half Marathon Under Sub Optimal Mental Conditions.
I had one of those dreams last night where I could see all my failings from the past and they hit me all at once.
I woke up miserable and stayed in bed for quite some time. I haven’t felt like this much in the past 12 weeks of sobriety so I kinda just accepted that bad days do happen and that there isn’t any point in making a bad day worse by drinking. I’ve gotta deal with shit head-on from now!
The mood persisted into the run. It started well enough with me jogging as easily as possible southbound to the Olympic Stadium. It was a lovely Spring day and the swans were out in full force by the canal for some kind of hippy swan festival in North London.
Towards the end of the run I was under attack with all kinds of mental shit from the past but was determined more than anything to finish the half marathon.
And I did it in a record worst time of 2:32.
I’m not running for speed. I’m training to build up endurance and I’m praying this will work. There are times when I’ll pick up speed out of boredom or to evade a bastard dog, but I don’t do any real drills. I cast my mind back to being hopeless lost in Ardingly during the London 2 Brighton race or the time I had to be helped out of the field near Saffron Walden on the Cambridge run and let that power me on.
This was the most difficult one to date based on crap going on in my head, but I got through it and I do feel a little better tonight.
For the first time this week I will be running in rain tomorrow and I don’t mind that as much as the ‘weather’ being shitty inside my head. It’s always the worst.