Running In The Snow With Hate.
I ran home in the fucking snow in nothing but shorts and t-shirt and I’m shivering like a cunt.
I thought it’d be a magical journey through the beautiful metropolis of London town. Snow glistening on the church spires. Carol singers. Peace and love in everyone’s hearts.
It was miserable. I was running into 40mph gusts of wind. By the end my face was like Al Pacino in the last scene of Scarface.
I couldn’t see where I was running. My glasses were smeared with snow and water and all I could see was blurs. I kept mistaking bushes for people and people for bushes and it was fucking scary.
What made it worse was all the idiots with their fucking umbrellas. I got spoked in the face 3 times. Life isn’t a fucking Beyonce song. If you’re gonna use that thing, then make sure you don’t direct it straight into my face.
I thought it’d be easier to run on the quieter roads a little but all of them had pools of freezing water on them and every splash was fucking agony on my feet.
I’ve been in an awful fucking mood all day. I banged my head in the Co-Op on the top of the sandwich refrigerator for the 2nd day running. Wanted to shout ‘fuck’. But that’d do me no good. That shop sells me all comfort food that I use to unsuccessfully eat away the boredom and discomfort. I need them more than they need me.
Chomp, chomp, chomp. Happy fucking bunnies.
I guess that run home tonight tested my mental toughness for the upcoming ultra. I wanted to quit for most of the run but by the time I got to Stamford Hill, I was feeling better about it.
I was almost happy for a while too. Until I went into Sainsbury’s and one of the till cunts said
‘Oh you look like you’ve been having a very bad day sir’.
‘Who the fuck are you? My butler? Yes I want a bag. No I don’t have a fucking Nectar card and SUCK A BAG OF THE DICKS. WITH SALT AND VINEGAR FLAVOURING ALL OVER THEIR NECROTIC SPUNKING HEADS YOU DEGENERATE.
I had a shower and didn’t come anywhere close to shitting myself so I guess that’s a bonus. I’d cheer up but I think I’ve got frostbite in my dick. Something’s stinging anyway.
Never having dinner with your mother again.