This is a rest week.
Woke up in a bit of a panic this morning. Checked my knee after last night’s fall and the cut on it was still bleeding lightly. I’m lucky I didn’t hurt myself properly as I hit the ground with a fucking thud. Probably set off a few seismometers in North London when I touched down on Ground Zero.
This is why I don’t run technical races. I trip on concrete. Can you imagine me running around that massive fucking volcano in Gran Canaria? I’d get stuck up there forever and I don’t know enough Spanish to call the emergency services to organised an air rescue recon mission.
It’s a year today since I DNF at Green Man. It’s been 6 years today since my dad. For some reason I really wanted to go fly fishing yesterday even though I don’t have the faintest clue how to do it. Last time I tried it I end up embarrassing my da up at the local fishery by casting the rod into the reservoir.
I think it could help me relax though.
Always a winner.
I’m going out tonight to run 5k. It will be my 3rd one of the week. I’ll be lucky to hit 50k as a total this week. That’s the lowest amount since I stopped drinking. 60k is my next lowest week. I used to consider a 50k week as a really strong week. Now it leaves me unimpressed. It’s like I’m not even trying. I’m a lazy bastard.
I’m hoping I can begin to enjoy all this shit again. My last good run was the one in Barcelona. I don’t enjoy collapsing on pavements and it will take a few days before the skin on my elbow and knee regrows.
I’m scared of going back to how I was this time 2 years ago when I wasn’t running and I rarely left the house for anything but booze. At times the thought of it regressing to that level drives me almost insane and that’s why I’m so motivated to keep moving forward.
There’s gotta be a point where I put all that shit behind me though. It’s not natural to have this amount of drive. It’s directionless drive too at times. Leads me into the way of McDonalds and buffet queues. A bit of peace would be nice.
It really hurts to write. I hate reading so I have no range as a writer and I’m beginning to bore even myself at this point.
I’ve ate nothing today but noodles and chow mein. And chocolate of course. It wouldn’t be a day if it didn’t involve chocolate.