Rest Day in Edinburgh.
Hadn’t planned on taking a rest day today but I woke up for breakfast, went outside and the rain was driving and freezing.
I ran through similar conditions on Tuesday and it was absolutely joyless. I was screaming incoherently at traffic blaming them all for living in a shitty country where it rains 456 days a year.
Scottish people do not have any control over the climate they live in. Except those in Selkirk who can make the place look like it’s raining even when it is sunny. I’ve had angry responses from people regarding my comments about Selkirk. Selkirk owes me an apology for being so much like Selkirk. You need to lift the fucking ban on Crayola.
Slept for about 6 hours there. I woke up with anxiety and sadness that I’d let myself down by not fighting through the rain. I seem to live my life through this negativity. I wake up and nothing is in perspective. I didn’t run today because I want to enjoy as much of this as possible. I have to learn to let myself be.
The truth is that I’ve really enjoyed the trip and I wish I could have spent the entire trip in a peaceful mindset. Who’d honestly consciously chose not to live with a peaceful mind?
I guess that’s why I’m running. I want to talk about being a victim to my moods and to therefore stop being a victim. I’m only a victim when I’m powerless and there are better ways to cope.
That’s the thing with drinking. I used to feel really dirty for being a binge drinker. Less than zero. Now I see it as my way to try to cope. I’d experience sadness and low self esteem, drink, lose my inhibitions, realise I wasn’t a bad person and then I’d begin to mouth off at a world that made me feel like I was a bad person. Responsibility starts and ends with me. The world can’t make me feel any way.
I finally received my USB charging cable for my Fenix 3. It doesn’t work properly. To charge it I have to hold the USB cable down. Pretty fucking inconvenient but at least it is here.
I want a strong finish now. Weather forecast has to be pretty good for the next fortnight. No more excuses!