Ever wondered whether you have an addiction to running or not? Check the 25 signs and symptoms of running addiction below and see where you are on the scale.
|0 – 5 You aren’t a running addict.|
|5 – 10 You’re in danger of developing a running problem. I suggest you spend more quality time frolicking with ducks at your local park.|
|10 – 15 You have developed a running problem.|
|15 – 20 You’re obsessed with running. Most people think you’re insane and rightly so.|
|20+ You give the rest of us runners a bad name. You need to get a hobby and quick.|
- You spend hours upon hours in sports shops buying running clothes for all of the possible weather scenarios. Thundersnow in Nevada? I’d better buy that new flourscent burka with the back ass cut of it in case this shit gets serious.
- You hoard shiny medals like a methed-up crow. You will not be satisfied until you’ve ran so many races that they take up an entire fucking room.
- You lose your shit if you take even a week off training – This will fuck you up even more if you base most of your daily routine around running. “How am I meant to have my mid evening wank if I haven’t ran yet?”
- You feel an immense void in your heart when you can’t run – This is a perfect sign that you’ve been relying too much on running to maintain your mental wellbeing. Or that you’re hopelessly addicted to running. Or both.
- You deny that you’re addicted to running – “I’m not addicted! I’m doing it for my health! You get extra marks if you become defensive whenever someone accuses you of running too much. “What do you mean by that? You don’t run at all! Who are you to judge me you lazy fucker!”
- You’ve stopped caring about your appearance as a runner. You started off looking sleek and elegant, now you’re happy to go out for a run even if your clothes are covered in elephant shit.
- You feel monumentally depressed after a half or full marathon – You have spent so much of your time in the last 4 months running that there seems like a chasm to fill. And this can only be filled with running, cheese or heroin.
- You’ve lost control over your running – You regularly convince yourself that you’re only gonna go out for a 2 mile run but every single time you end up going a lot, lot further than anticipated. You come back with dog shit on your shoes, a piece of a garden fence trailing from your body like a tail and love bites all over your body.
- You run under dangerous circumstances – Like at night, or when drunk, or through dangerous neighbourhoods. You’ll do anything to get your fix.
- You spend anywhere between 25-50% of your salary on running clothes, gadgets or races.
- If you’ve long since stopped caring about adverse weather conditions and are more concerned with the disappointment that you’ll feel if you don’t achieve a 40 mile week for the 87th month in a row. “Fuck the lightning and fuck Thor. Either I run now or run twice tomorrow! Nothing will hold me back!”
- You cram in extra workouts just to keep to your self-imposed weekly mileage target. Even if it involves running 3 times on a Sunday.
- You start breaking into runs when you’re not even meant to be running. You can be excused if you are late for something, but if you run for no reason then you’re probably an addict!
- You’ve abandoned all of the other things you used to enjoy – Like trying to find a partner, playing tiddlywinks whilst masturbating or going to the bar. Running becomes your main priority in life.
- You run to calm your nerves and to feel less anxiety.
- You follow all of the runners you see on Twitter without stopping to think if they could be a predator “oh he/she looks like they are a runner! Just like me! *clicks follow*.
- You run when you know you’re injured – This is understandable if you’re new to running, but if you ever try to run off an injury whilst knowing in the back of your mind that it just isn’t going to work then you have a serious problem.
- You can’t stop browsing the internet for races to enter. You always want to squeeze just one more race before the year is over.
- Your running is getting you into legal trouble – There have been times where a police car has pulled up next to me and I’ve thought “if these fucking pigs try to stop me then I’ll have to explain to them that I’m too busy with my marathon training to receive their shitty tickets and to send it to me by mail.”. If you ever thought you’d react like this to the police or you’ve trespassed through private property onto a trail, then this applies to you.
- You refuse to stop at the finishing line after a race and just keep your legs on pumping in case you don’t record a time. You don’t stop until the marshals force you to stop and hand you a blanket and a banana.
- You can’t stop boring your work colleagues of stories of your 7 miler this morning, where you felt like God at mile 5, but knew you were a dog at mile 6. You’ve told them about every single run that you’ve ever completed and it starts with “Ran this morning” and ends with “felt good”. They don’t share your enthusiasm.
- You run at all hours of the morning and the night, suffer bleeding nipples and DNF’s, yet you still run and don’t understand why the fuck you still do it.
- Your closet is so packed with race tshirts that you can’t find your normal attire anymore.
- You can’t see your bedroom floor for the vast quantity of running magazines fanned across it.
- You have unnatural feelings of hatred or envy for those you see running outside when you’re sick or otherwise unavailable. You start attributing paces to these runners “he must be doing a 8:18 min/mile! I could easily take that fucker if I didn’t have a twisted ball!”