Psychosis Can’t Be Far Off. I’ve Been Having More Marathon Tapering Trouble.

I missed my run again today and it left me in a panic. As I said in my last post I haven’t ran at all this week and have felt unbelievably tired.

I set my alarm for 4:30am last night in order to be extra ready for the run. What followed is best depicted by my Facebook update status.

I dunno what the fuck it is with me of late but my mind longs for the freedom of the road but my body wants rest in bed.

I guess body orders should win at the moment. I felt tired after Paris but I ignored it. I felt tired after Edinburgh but I ignored it. Then I ran 16.5 miles and felt tired and ignored it.

This is the wake up call. The marathon is in less than 10 days.

I need to relax otherwise my arse will prolapse through the last lap of Belfast on May Day.

And there’s nothing sadder in life than an Irishman running away from a bad saggy ass.

I’m kinda scared as I’ve fucked up my training again.

I had a plan in motion where I’d finally be under 200lbs at the Belfast Marathon and ready to run with real confidence for once, but it hasn’t worked out that way.

The tapering phase especially is a fucking killer mentally.

You stop running and suddenly you meet all of your underlying flaws face to face and all you can do is swallow another Reese’s Cup to blank it all out.

Fortunately I’ve been through this hysteria before. This time last year I was in Fuengirola Spain where my training for the marathon consisted largely of hope and Sangria.

Neither of which worked that well.

This time around I’m 7lbs lighter and have actually covered the distance in training with Paris. I know I’ll be fine and I’m confident of a PB but it’s still extremely difficult to stop worrying.

I’m going fucking mental here.

I haven’t ran a single mile since Sunday and when I don’t run the anger, contempt and fucking bile come to the fore.

So I set out at lunch for a sandwich and I lost it all again.