No dog chaos.
Just a relaxing 10-mile jog last night as it should be. Responsible dog walkers sharing the footpath. No clambering beasts. Just fresh sea air and some starry skies.
As I’ve grown older I’ve calmed on the run so fuck knows how I’d have handled Wednesday night if I was starting out. Someone would be facing a murder charge.
One week left and I’m back in Northern Ireland. My old goal is out the window. I don’t want to run all day long. It’s too much. Wednesday took the wind out of my sails. I’d rather sit on the balcony and relax a little during the day and get some work done. Pushing and striving to get somewhere only to get there and for it to be just the same is disheartening. You’ve got to find peace in the now, not in future goals and objectives.
This time two weeks ago I was staying in Leipzig and I could not leave the hotel due to the weather. Tonight it’s mild here and it just feels nice. Portimao is not the prettiest place on earth but it’s far from the worst either. The weather makes up for it. The people are kind. There are places to run. Alvor is beautiful.
I can just be without battling a wind chill factor of -6C. I used to love the cold, dark weather but it hurts now.
Tonight I’m gonna do much of the same as last night. Relax on the run. Stay away from all the predators. Maybe go to a cafe.
When I die I will regret all of the moments I was not at peace. I will not think ‘holy shit if you’d hit 5000km that year everything would’ve been OK!’. I will celebrate the peaceful nights where nothing happened. Where I wasn’t stuffing my face just to change how I was feeling about myself. Where I was just letting myself be for once rather than engaging in the constant harmful mental commentary running through a mind that I sometimes don’t even recognise as my own.