Lost Belief In My Running To Some Extent
Today my food choices have been terrible and I’m trapped inside my head. I like answering emails when I feel this way. Helping other people gets me out of my brain and everything seems better.
Number of issues ‘troubling’ me today.
- Lost belief in myself – I know I’m capable of running 100k but after Saturday I have questions. I can wait and let that doubt grow or I can go out and prove something to myself. I did 50 miles relatively easily only 17 days ago. I need to keep this in mind. YOU CAN DO IT CUNT. Stop feeding your face. It isn’t comforting you. It’s making you feel more uncomfortable! Comfort food should make you feel better in yourself. Therefore healthy food is the new comfort food.
- Still haven’t registered for London 2 Brighton – The event registration closes a week on Sunday and the last of the ‘cheap’ Brighton hotels is up for registration at the bargain price of £140. I don’t want to commit £300 for nothing but at the same time I need to MOVE FORWARD AND STOP FUCKING SULKING ABOUT ISLE OF WIGHT. `
- Don’t want to run – Kinda scared to. Been to the toilet 4 times already after lunch. Hole is coughing jalfrezi. Once I get through the next few runs I should be OK.
- Can’t see past this mood today – The old ‘live for today’ mindset isn’t helping. If I can’t see past today then I’ll eat what I want and just make tomorrow worse. It’s the same shit I’ve been doing for ages only now I’m aware of it. I want to strike a balance. I want to be at peace. I hate being a stranger in my own skin.
- I want to escape my brain – everything is going well apart from the voice inside my brain that says it isn’t. At times like this I’d love to escape my head. Sleep helps but it’s like I’m playing roulette with my brain. Will I wake up in a shitty mood or not? Eating better obviously increases the chances I will wake up happier. The alternative involved drinking and that’d make me happier for a few hours only for problems to come back tenfold later. The only way to deal with problems that arise is to… deal with them. Unromantic. Prayer, karma, wishful thinking, hopping on one leg and stroking my cock with the other, don’t help whatsoever.
In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a privileged white man who enjoys inventing problems in lieu of real ones. I am everything that is wrong with western civilisation.
Day 3 of 31
|Calories in||Calories out||Deficit|