I’ve No Motivation To Exercise At The Moment But I’m Feeling Alright.
I haven’t been feeling very excited about running or exercise this week. The fire just hasn’t been there. I’m thinking that I’m maybe just getting used to working 9-6 again after a month off work.
Sunday was good though. I met with family in London for a little while and then came back and ran 13.5 miles around North London in the dark. It was scary as fuck but revitalising.
I went to the gym tonight but only to check that I could get in. I buzzed in and then I went straight back out again. There was no way I was gonna spend 2 hours on the cross trainer in my suit jacket and jeans.
I haven’t ran a single fucking mile this week. Getting up in the morning is very difficult, not because I’m depressed or anything, but I’m fairly sure that my bed is trying to eat me.
It’s natural to feel this way as I’ve ran almost 300 miles in the last 6 weeks.
Sometimes it’s OK to not run. Sometimes it’s OK to not eat well. In the past I’ve beaten myself up over being far from perfect but it has just led to more self-destructive behaviour.
When I was training for the 100k back in the Spring I felt so trapped by it all. Every week I was failing to hit targets and I was just so low in morale that I wanted it all to fucking stop. I’d then go out and get drunk to avoid having to confront my shitty preparation.
Training from now on is gonna be about fun and making myself happier. If I screw up a week, then I’ll do what I can to try to make amends the next week, but I won’t let myself get really low if things go wrong.
If I did that then things would keep going wrong…
I’m gonna book and announce my autumn marathons very shortly. I’m hoping for Munich, Dublin and Amsterdam. Once I have them finalised then I’m pretty certain my fire will come back.
I still haven’t ran a normal race since Las Vegas in 2013. I’d love to go back again this year but I’ve just so much to do still in planning the release of the book on the 29th November.
Anyway my alarm is now set for 5:30am and I’m praying that I can actually make it out tomorrow. The day is always so much better when I do exercise.