I Am Still Streaking!
I’ve ran every day for almost 8 months now.
It’s been easy. The hardest bit has been running on days after the 100k ultramarathons. Apart from that it’s a routine now and it gets easier every day. I’ve ran over 200 miles for 7 consecutive months and I’m quickly closing in on 3,000km for the year.
I’ve never been fitter even though any speed I ever had has long since left my legs.
I’ve even been making plans to run from John O’Groats to Lands End at some point in the next 2 years.
My run streak has been a great companion to my alcohol cessation.
I thought I’d have missed alcohol by now, but I haven’t.
I’ve no interest in ‘enjoying’ one drink. Alcohol for me was always about trying to escape myself and not about liking the taste. It lies to you. It’s a fucker. I became it’s conduit for a while. The rebel without a clue.
I focused on the ‘glamour’ of drinking and never the misery. When my alco brain is trying to draw me back outside to play with the wolves in the mystery of the night, it reminds me only of the lights of Las Vegas and not the despair that follows when the credit card bills arrive and I return to normal life.
If you are prone to depressive to moods, it doesn’t make sense to take a depressant.
I didn’t believe alcohol was a depressant. It helped me escape depressive thoughts. And that brought with it euphoria. The euphoria would lead to me becoming arrogant. My arrogance brought with it bluster and shitty rants. And 12 hours later the shitty rants brought me lots of shame.
The shame led to guilt. The guilt to hopelessness. And the hopelessness to more fucking drinking to help me escape the new shame.
I drank to relax, believing it worked. Going by how much I drank in 2014, that should have been a very fucking relaxing year. But it wasn’t.
Sober for me is easier now.
If you think you have a problem with alcohol, try to do something about it. Talk to your doctor. Read a book. Talk to friends. Try an AA meeting. If you’re suffering, you are suffering and you don’t have to do it alone.
There’s no shame in being addicted to an extremely addictive substance. The amount of brainwashing that goes on with alcohol in society is incredible. You only ever see the sexy people portrayed in the commercials and never the sullen sad-sack who is waking up to another social media shit-storm of his own doing.
I don’t think about quitting alcohol forever. If I look back on my adult life, that seems fucking impossible with the amount of times I’ve tried stopping, only to fail again. I’m not drinking just for today. That’s it.
Who knows about tomorrow. Your mother might come around to my house again stinking of Pernod and cinnamon e-vapes. And I’m not one to refuse a good offer. Buy one get one free you cunts.