I Am Not Just A Miserable Bastard. I Am Grateful For A Number Of Things.
Someone was upset last night that I am too negative on the blog.
I try to express myself in a way that’s genuine. If I’m disappointed I see no point in lying about that. Yesterday’s post was about using disappointment for positive change. To create good things out of the bad. In those examples I was making it clear to myself that I can get through any lingering negativity from my DNF and to improve from it.
I can’t be any more positive than that! When I was reading through my book reviews most of them said shit like “this cunt never learns from his mistakes”. If I have improved anything in my life it’s that.
I know I see things in a negative light a lot of the time. People have asked me why I run when I am still miserable. Just because I’m not doing a cheesy shit eating grin all the time doesn’t mean I am not happy.
In the healthy living community you’re typically free to express yourself in only one way. It can go and fuck itself.
There’s a taboo against being a miserable cunt. My people for the last 400 years have revelled in their dour Presbyterianism, self flagellating with cold showers and shit tea biscuits in the face of an impossibly angry God.
I am genuinely grateful for a lot of shit.
- I am grateful that I’ve had a second chance with this blog – This time last year it was effectively dead. Now it’s never been as popular as it is now.
- I am grateful for my run streak – My strength and tenacity are building. Saturday was only a minor setback.
- I am grateful that I’ve had the chance to run in so many nice places – Excluding the Isle of Wight. It is now on my shit list. The Needles can go and fuck itself. Only wankers and doggers visit Tennyson Down. My favourite place to run this year has been the Algarve although it has it’s wild dogs. Can’t do a long run there without CS gas, taser or a big fucking stick.
- I am grateful that I haven’t drank in well over 500 days now. I’ve rebuilt my career and I’ve improved my fitness a lot. There’s obviously still a lot of work to do but I’m in a good position today even after a bad month in April.
- I am grateful for my resilient body. I still feel dreadfully ashamed of what I’ve put it through. I think back to my lucky escapes with real despair. I used to drink and take Valium on planes. On one or more occasions I remember being in real pain in bed before a race and wondering what it was. So fucking stupid. Then there was the time on a plane to Faro that I took Valium and opened up a duty free flask of whiskey on the plane and started drinking from it. I wish I didn’t put myself through that. That night, I arrived at the hotel, feel asleep without closing my hotel door and had some worrying phone calls from reception. Honest to God. Not drinking today.
- I am very grateful that my writing has helped other people get into running – Most of those I inspired are better runners than I am.
- I am grateful for the new month. April was a bad month but May is a new start. 31 days of logging a calorie deficit is possible if I succeed just today. Time to fight back and build momentum in the right direction again.
Day 1 of 31
|Calories in||Calories out||Deficit|
Right I’m not gonna try to defend what I eat anymore. I don’t have any friends who shop at Planet Organic and I honestly don’t want any. I’m tired of you judgemental pricks.
This is only about the deficit. I’ve been inspired by the work of Mark Hoskins on Twitter and his Magnum streak. It’s better to live and die for what you believe in. And I’m never gonna be a bastard for Brussel sprouts. I fucking hate potatoes too.
— Mark Hoskins (@Razledazlemark) May 1, 2017