I Am Not A Trail Runner
Instead of planning your next drunk. Why not start building a life you don’t want to escape from?
Have you ever seen adverts for those obstacle course races with names like ‘Tough Ferret’ where you’ll see a picture of some terribly pretty bastard covered head-to-toe in shit and looking defiantly delighted about it?
I’ve never understood the appeal of those events. Then again, I don’t know why some people enjoy being pissed upon in bed.
Back to my school days.
I used to cut through a field to get to school as a teenager. It was always terribly muddy and the teachers would yell at me for having dirty trousers when I got to class. One day I slipped and I lay on the ground for about 5 minutes as people walked around me. Eventually I got back up on my feet and I almost slipped back down immediately after that. From then on I would panic when walking through the mud in case I completely lost my grip.
I fucking hated it.
That’s where I was today at the Green Man Ultra. I was on a 45 mile Ultra run to school through a very muddy field. From the start I fell terribly far behind everyone and never recovered. I felt disempowered, hopeless and miserable whilst wading through the first 5 miles. My mindset turned completely negative and for the first time in nearly 4 months I wanted to drink alcohol.
It took me 70 minutes to ‘run’ 6k. With a 12 hour cut off for the 45 miles, I already knew I was screwed. By the time I got to the Bridgwater Road I was drastically off course and with no other runners in sight I decided I had enough. I ripped off my race number and ran the 6 miles back to my hotel. It was the best part of the day.
I immediately jumped into the shower and the cubicle now looks like I’ve staged a dirty protest in it.
I’m off to Tesco soon to buy some Sticky Notes and a Marker so I can inform the cleaners that it’s not shit.
Tonight I am bitterly disappointed and I can’t change that.
I don’t really know what to say. The Green Man seems like an excellent event which is what makes this even worse. I’ve missed out.
But it took this experience to make me realise that I really don’t enjoy trail running. I hate having to negotiate every step especially considering both my eyesight and my balance are shit. I run to escape stress, not to be stressed out. There isn’t any point in me entering events that I’ll struggle to enjoy. It just puts me in danger of returning to alcohol and my depressive ways.
I want to be happy and I want to be fit. I don’t want to be a depressive. I want to be sober more than I want anything else in my life at the minute. I want to celebrate life with running.
I wasn’t celebrating anything today other than my own ignorance. I’m a fucking fool.