I Am Hormonal But I Am Not Marilyn Monroe
I think I was suffering from the post ultra bloat as my weight is down to below 88kg. Only put on 3kgs last month.
Still hormonal. How long will it be before I put this up on the Angry Jogger Facebook page?
My best can never be as high as Marilyn’s. A conversation without any social awkwardness is my best. My worst is a bad gangbang of self loathing, whiskey and catty Twitter updates. No one should have to go through that.
I had another difficult run tonight but my streak continues and I did 66.7km overall this week.
In many ways I wasted this weekend as I spent most of it indoors. I don’t know what is stopping me from having long run days at the moment. The weather is beautiful but I’m always procrastinating and before I know it it’s almost midnight and I still haven’t ran.
And all the time I spend indoors I eat like shit as I feel bad that I don’t want to run.
Last year the same thing happened around May time. It coincided with the time I shit myself. I was having Phish Food every night for dinner and I guess I was traumatised by the prospect of shitting myself again. Eventually as the summer went on I got out more and more. I’m hoping the same thing happens this year.
The most important thing is that I’m still running every day. I’ve got to stop talking myself into bad runs. This always happens when my self belief is low. It’s almost as if I’m trying to give myself a legitimate reason to stop.
The worrying thing is that once I stop in a race the temptation is always there to stop again. It becomes a bad habit. I cannot let this happen in London 2 Brighton. I need to tell my negative brain to shut the fuck up and get on with running.
My brain at the best of times tries to find the negative side to every experience. I cannot trust my thoughts. They don’t represent reality.
Day 7 of 31
|Calories in||Calories out||Deficit|