I Am Feeling Pretty Hopeless At The Minute.
Hi there you. Please don’t read this blog post if you’re looking for inspiration. It’s another whine from me born from frustration.
I am sick of being a lazy, fat, overwhelmed bastard. For the past 5 days I’ve done nothing but eat, sleep, shit and fucking sit in the dark like the leper I am. I’ve been having bi-hourly trips to the kitchen where I nibble on cheese, pretzels, chocolate and all that other fancy shit and it’s embarrassing.
I’m a bloated bag of shit, guilt and fucking Stilton.
I hate Christmas time, I hate New Year, I hate the cold weather, I hate the short days and long nights, I hate the nativity, I hate resolutions, I hate the gluttony, I fucking hate all of the silly nostalgia bollocks and most importantly I fucking hate people who say that I have to be merry at this time of year.
Fuck you. I’ll be happy when I am.
I hate reindeer. Santa. Silent nights, loud nights, or any kind of fucking prolonged darkness.
Being happy at designated periods of the year isn’t even a commandment from God. Jesus did not say “Peace dude. Smile in December and feed your fat fucking face with mince pies and count your blessings that you have enough food to feed 18 whilst Africa starves and burns”.
I can’t kick my arse into gear at at the minute. It’s fucking worrying. I sit inside most days and I can’t seem to bring myself out of this rut. Something is wrong with my brain.
I want to run but I just can’t get outside. I don’t really know what to do. I wanted to run 200 miles this month but I derailed my own progress by getting injured and now apathy has set in. I should relax and enjoy the season but I feel lonely as hell. I miss London.
I also just hate this time of year. It can fuck off. Please come back July and August. I struggled a lot at Christmas last year and 2014 turned out OK so I’ve gotta just get through this. I don’t have anything to be unhappy about either. I would love to carry on with the life I have but with a new brain. I’m seriously considering a lobotomy or something.
I’m also feeling guilty as the book is proving to be quite popular and I still can’t get my shit together properly. Makes me think it’s all a lie.
Hahaha! I’m a pissy little bitch.