How To Survive Public Transport After A Run When You’re A Really Sweaty Bastard
Made my 100km goal again for the week. This time 111km.
Ran along the Thames Path to Windsor again. Some beautiful scenery.
I ended up having to get the bus back as the trains are off today. I hate being on public transport when Im perfectly clean so you can only imagine how uptight I feel when I am sweaty as fuck.
Here are some tips on how to survive when you’re sweaty after a run on public transport.
- Hide in the toilets – This is great if you’re on a train with lots of toilets but not such a good plan if you’re on a bus back from an IBS charity convention with only one tiny hole to shit in.
- Wear your medal if you’re coming back from a race – This gives you a free past at being a really smelly bastard.
- If your sweat is really bad sometimes it’s better to take a big bad gamble and fart and hope good triumphs over evil.
- Bring some wet wipes and clean yourself up in the toilet – Easiest and most convenient option. Why more races don’t offer small packs of wipes and deodorant after a race is beyond me.
- Open all of the windows on the bus and the carriage even if it’s a winters day – Once everyone on the bus gets a proper whiff of you they will thank you for it.
- Try not to use Uber if you value your star rating – I have received so many 1 star reviews after 20 plus mile runs. Especially in the Czech Republic for some reason. I’ve read that they don’t believe in God much over there and I guess when they witnessed the holy hum of my taint then it is all but confirmed their irreligiousness.
- Bring some roll on antiperspirant with you – Again this is a fucking life saver.
- Tell those who go to sit down beside you that you’re highly contagious – It will stop them asking ‘what the fuck is that smell’ midway through your journey.
- Just don’t bother with transport and run back. This is the only way you can keep your dignity sometimes. Especially if you’ve shit yourself as well.
- Stick with a crowd – If you’re with a bunch of smelly bastards you’re less likely to be singled out.
- Wear a Magic Tree air freshener around your balls. When the sack of magic swings, everyone will be happy.