How Hitting Rock Bottom At A Christmas Party In December 2009 Led To My Beginnings As A Runner
The night of my Christmas dinner in 2009 was arguably the point where I knew I had to change my life around.
Up to that point in my life I’d given up on trying to remain accountable to myself for my body.
I’d accepted that I was to be a lazy slob for the rest of my life. I sucked at sports in high school, I hated even so much as walking as I’d break into a sweat and the horrible condition my body was in was everyone else’s fault apart from my own.
On the evening before the dinner I tried going clothes shopping in a place called ‘Urban Outfitters’. Given the name of the store, I was under the impression that it catered for larger men.
When you’re quite overweight the last thing you wanna do is go clothes shopping. It’s embarrassing.
I mustered enough confidence to finally ask a sales guy ‘Do you do anything in XXL?’ and his answer was short and to the point.
I quickly learned that Urban Outfitters is a store for annoying hipsters.
I ended up attending the party in a skin tight check shirt. I resembled a gay lumberjack with an eating disorder.
This fed the cycle of loathing and self hatred that would almost kill me on the next night.
Christmas party goes wrong.
That night, we’d been drinking bottles of rosé wine for hours. We were having a good time until I got too drunk and started into an argument with my team.
I can’t even remember why exactly I was in such a combative mood, but I knew it was to do with how uncomfortable and trapped I felt within myself at the time.
I guess I was feeling hopeless and had no way of healthily expressing my frustration. I managed to accept every small criticism as a personal attack.
Long story short, I was a ticking time bomb.
At the height of the argument, I tried settling it by putting my leg up on the table and conjuring an almighty fart that shook the floor.
I can still hear that fart reverberate in my mind. I can see the shocked faces. I can see the pride in my face at finally striking back at society.
Before long the table next to us had complained about my antics and soon after that we got thrown out of the bar, where I continued to be abusive to everyone and the absolute last thing I remember is falling over whilst screaming insults at a taxi man.
Way to go boozy!
I got home, went straight to bed and woke in the morning to find that I’d vomited in my bed during the night.
To make matters worse I’d not only forgotten to close my apartment door, but had left the complex door wide open too.
I could have fucking died or been burgled. That night alone cost me my apartment deposit of £500, as I’d stained the carpet with my rose Wine sick.
I think that was the beginning of the end of that way of life.
I couldn’t continue like that.
How many more times could I vomit in my sleep and actually fucking live to see tomorrow?
4 years on and it’s important I never take even a step back in that direction.
Back then I could never have envisaged that I would go on to become an Angry Jogger. It just wasn’t a plausible outcome.
That’s why at this time of the year I’m reminded of where I was and why I never wanna go back there.
The truth is that I didn’t get to this point through one decision on it’s own.
It’s been 4 years of gradually moving forward. At first it was eating better and cutting out Coke with sugar. Then it was walking more. Then it was jogging for 5 minutes at a time.
I tend to forget how far I’ve come and focus on how far I’ve left to go.
Here I am bemoaning the fact that I’ve gained 5lbs over the past month but the truth is I’ve maintained a sufficient level of fitness to run 20 miles without much of a problem.
I may be fatter, but I’m never been this fit in my life.
Sunday proved that when I ran 20 miles whilst hoping for ‘only’ a half marathon.
I see no reason to stop now. It will only continue to get better.
You shouldn’t wait for the perfect moment to start your turn around in life. A good plan executed with a lot of heart now is better than waiting for a moment that probably won’t come.
My problem before was that it was always all or nothing for me. I believed the myth that you had to either be on a diet, or eating totally unhealthily.
There is a middle ground between so called healthy living and being a fucking pig.
You don’t have to wait for life to shame you into adopting a healthy lifestyle.
Any improvement to your lifestyle is a step forward. If you keep moving in that direction, then you too could be a position a few years from now where you barely recognise your past incarnation.
Just don’t give up or lose heart. You will get to where you need to go to if you concentrate on taking your next step forward.