I got up at 2 am but not out of choice. I’m overstimulated from coffee and I’m lying in bed. It is warm here but I cannot be happy as I have the goal of running before work today. Except I am happy when I stop thinking about running as it’s cold. If my goal is to be happy in life then I’m doing a better job of it lying here content than outside. I am trying to find a middle way of perhaps running around outside wrapped in my white duvet, but there are plenty of Chelsea fans around here and I don’t wanna get an invite to secret meetings in the woods.
Whenever anyone asks you what your goals are in life you are either in a job interview or in a discussion with someone who wants to tell you what their goals are.
I find those who loudly announce that they are goal orientated to be irritating cunts. The most successful people that I know are too busy doing shit to announce goals. It’s fucking obvious what their goal is.
We are the only species on the planet with goals which aren’t immediately based on the need to survive. We have succeeded by just being, but for some reason, that’s not enough. We drive ourselves crazy from boredom. Goals are folly.
Goals are a direction of travel but not a destination. It’s when you confuse the direction with the destination that you fuck yourself over. Some would say that I have the mentality of a loser, but ever since I dropped most of my goals, my life has improved.
Proper athletes have goals, but I am not an athlete. That is a slur in my eyes. Athletes are clean living puritanical wankers who have adopted the win at all costs cancerous mindset. I did the Reeferbahn whilst vaping a banned substance. I am a cheat. Only I had no goals other than to enjoy each day. Therefore I am not a cheat. To thine self be true as they say. Only that’s not true. You can only ever be true to the best understanding of yourself which is usually a botched effort if you are to go by past interpretations.
The athletic mindset on the Reeferbahn would have been “run Reeferbahn in 10 days or else”. Meh. I had 18 days free, what else was I gonna spend those days doing? Making more goals for myself? Fuck goals. My goal is to never be an athlete and now that I’ve said that I suddenly want to get up and run HARD. I told you goals are bullshit. And now that I’ve realized that, I’m the duvet again.
My goal is 5,000km this year but it’s a direction of travel. If I get to 5,000km and I’m miserable then what’s the fucking point? Or if I get there and I’m a 16 stone active alcoholic? Ludicrous. My immediate goal is to get to 6am so that I can walk to Tesco Express to buy a salad. That is not a realistic goal. I will get to Tesco and smell the croissants and buy one and a salad. Then I’ll be disheartened by caving into the crossaint and throw the salad away.
My best goals are silly goals. Running LEJOG was silly. Wanting to run a negative split in a 50 mile run is silly. Vaping across the Reeferbahn was silly. If goals provide the energy which drives us through life and life in itself is meaningless and absurd, then the only worthwhile goals should reflect that.
Goal? Fuck the goal. Stop thinking. Become duvet. Goal! Look at rabbit pictures. Goal.
Now I want pancakes.
Arsene Wenger running with his pants down in an ASDA. Goal.