Food Review – Sugar Free Fruitella Fruit Foams
I’m back but who can say for how long?
Tonight it’s food review time and I’m talking about Sugar Free Fruitella Fruit Foams.
This is not running food.
I ate two packets of these fizzy bastards in about half an hour. They’re pretty delicious but the serving recommendation is like 2 sweets which is good if you’re a toddler. I’m not one, even though I might shit like one.
The effect these have on the gastrointestinal tract is profound. I went to the toilet twice and blasted out hot air and water. Each time there was no smell at all. I’m staying in an Airbnb again at the minute and was half expecting the host to put the price up for her room whilst I was still on the John.
Then I went out on a run thinking that all the hot water was out of my body. No. Intense rumbling. Thunderstorms in my belly. Chronic pain. I had to stop in a forest behind a tree but thankfully all that came out was the loudest, dampest fart I’ve ever produced. I didn’t know my arse was capable of that kinda range. It was like finding out that a Great Dane can sing falsetto.
I’m back from the run and I can’t quite believe the pain I’m in. Cramps. Stomach howling. It reminds me of the time that I thought I had cirrhosis of the liver after suffering from crippling pain in my side one weekend (I didn’t have cirrhosis – I was really just constipated as fuck). I really really want to fart but it’s not gonna happen outside of a toilet otherwise the walls will need repainted.
So if you’re in porn I’d give these 5/5 as they will ensure you’ll never shit again. Everyone else? 0/5. Delicious but they will fucking tear your stomach to shit. Not suitable for runners unless you really need to work on your speed.