Day 8 – Keeping The Deficit Going In Albufeira
|Calories in||Calories out||Deficit|
I was gonna buy some scales last night in Albufeira but running back with them under my arm would have been a step too far. I’m pretty certain I’m under 200lb now but that won’t mean anything until I actually fucking weigh myself.
It wasn’t the best of nights to be honest. I was horribly drained from my antics on Monday with the orange trees. I ended up on Albufeira strip which is the area with all the cocktail bars and shitty restaurants. I tried to pick the emptiest one available as the last thing I wanted was some cunting Bantersaurus Rex starting on me for my sweatiness.
The restaurant I picked was the type of restaurant that even drunken revellers try to avoid as it’s so fucking bleak. It was even more bleak than The Emerald in Belfast which was this terrible fucking hole we used to go into after the Limelight back in the day.
I got a toastie or a grilled cheese sandwich if you’re from that America. The best I can say is that it was edible.
I ran to and from the restaurant and I was full of negativity all the way. When I’m tired I’m more prone to feeling this way so I need to recognise it as a sign that I’m going too hard.
I used to go on holiday for places like Albufeira Strip. Albufeira, Magaluf, Las Vegas. Just to drink and relax and get away from myself and my silly inner quarrels. I’d go into the bars at midday and wonder why they were so fucking empty and always reeking of piss, disinfectant and vomit.
Being a classy little lady, I’d always order the strongest cocktail possible to try to escape my brain and then I’d wake up the next morning wishing I wasn’t on holiday. I needed so many holidays to get away from my holidays.
My dream was to drink myself into such an uninhibited state that I’d finally become a ladies man rather than a stuttering flaky fucking car crash. 12 pints later and I’d plant myself down at someone else’s table trying to make conversation with everyone else terrified about who the fuck I was and what I was going to do next.
Then I’d spend the next 12 years cringing about that particular encounter.
Inhibitions exist for a reason. They don’t go away over night. You have to work at that shit to overcome it. I’m only human. I don’t have all the answers. Figuring it out bit by bit.
I’m glad I’m becoming an old man
When I was in my late 20’s I was terrified about not being able to go to these places because I was too old. Now that I am older and I’ve found my way out of the alcoholic lifestyle, I feel relieved that I never have to go to another fucking club again in my life.
My food choices yesterday were pretty bad although I did have 5 pieces of kiwi fruit and a lemon for breakfast. Unfortunately I followed that up with an entire box of Spanish chocolate breakfast cereal for lunch but fuck it I was really hungry.
I think recording a deficit today was even more impressive than the massive one yesterday. My hunger rebounded and I wanted to eat everything but I managed to keep to my targets.