Day 5 – Freedom From Impulses.
|Calories in||Calories out||Deficit|
Hey fuckers. 5 days in a row now of progress. I’m continually learning more about myself.
For me eating is not freedom especially when I use it to change how I’m feeling.
Having control over my impulses is more important than anything else. When I eat I escape for maybe 5 minutes and that’s it and it has consequences for my health. I am still eating way too much sugar and it’s dangerous as several members of my family have/had diabetes in the past.
It’s the one thing that’s still holding me back.
My negative calorie streak continued yesterday but only just. I picked up the parcel my sister sent me for my birthday and it contained a Reese’s hamper. I made a good start on it for lunch.
It meant I had to be extra careful with calories for the rest of the day and that’s always a pain.
My 9 mile run later in the evening was just frustrating. It’s shit having to make up calories I’ve eaten with exercise. It seems futile. In Portugal I want to run so much that I don’t have to worry about a deficit.
The mistake I made in the past was restricting my calories too much and trying to lose 3lb to 4lbs a week. That is an understandable target if I had 100lbs to lose but now I only have 6lbs.
Even if I maintained a deficit of only 50 calories a day I’d lose over 4lbs a year. If I’d kept to that for the last 5 years I’d be 181lbs today.
I only have to keep my calorie log streak up for another 24 days. I want to enter the next few Ultramarathons in the best possible condition.
I’m concerned that a mental health professional will read my food logs and section me. 4 Reese products in one day for lunch is just wrong.
The worst thing is that I was gonna start lying on my food log yesterday afternoon and eat the whole fucking hamper (excluding the basket it came in. Too much fibre in that shit.)
I have just got off the train to Gatwick for my trip to Portugal . I was sitting down waiting for everyone to get off and this man waved me on. I did not get up. He waved me up again. I did not get up. I don’t engage with the politics of conceit. I have my own legs and I can alight the train any fucking time I want to. He wasn’t being polite. He was collecting Nectar points that can only be cashed in with St Peter at the pearly fucking gates.
I was being inconvenienced. I was socially obliged to get up earlier than I wanted to just so he could wank at himself in the mirror with the lights on.
Do me a favour and just get off the fucking train you soppy badger.
Here’s part of my food diary for Saturday. I can’t take a full screenshot of the day diary on my phone which is annoying.
I’m in Portugal now. It’s been an eventful first night and I’m set to record a pretty huge deficit.