Sleep is all wrong again. Not going to bed until 10am and then waking up at 3pm. It’s isolating. Poor mental health.
I can’t do any of this calorie logging shit today. Feeling trapped in my own head. Silly cycles of anger by day and then shame at night when I’m on my own. Always anticipating the worst. I don’t believe in any of the shit that goes on between my ears anymore but it’s still there like someone’s left the TV on in another room.
Step back required.
I’ve got a pain in my right ankle. It could be achilles tendonitis after yesterday’s run. I’m going to go easy on my foot tonight when I’m out. The pain wasn’t there when I walked down to the shop earlier so I’m hopeful that I’m going to be OK.
A lot to be positive about at the moment. I know it’s there but I can’t feel it and that makes it more frustrating. The positive changes exist but are obscured by a fog I can’t fight through or see through at the minute.
At least when I sleep I spin the Wheel of Fortune in my head and stand a chance of waking up in good form.
If I could have woken up in good form this morning then I would have.
I didn’t get to sleep until 10am. Shit gets menacing during the witching hour and fighting it until sunrise is draining.
I don’t think anyone consciously chooses any mental illness. We try various coping strategies that work to varying degrees. My choices in the past have been pretty poor but that doesn’t mean I have to make the same mistakes today.
I’ll get outside soon for half an hour and the fog will lift. That’s why running is really important to me. It provides a chink of light/hope in days like this.
Tomorrow will likely be a lot better. I’ll see how I feel and I might go back to logging calories.