Congratulations to Jo Pavey For Winning Sports Personality Of The Year By Default.
I’ve absolutely no idea who has the final say when it comes to determining what is considered a sport in the United Kingdom but the results from last night don’t make any sense to me.
Here are the top 3 finishers in the competition
1) Lewis Hamilton – Formula 1 (the cars)
2) Rory McIlroy – Golf (gardening)
3) Jo Pavey – Athletics
Let’s start with Lewis Hamilton and Formula 1. Cars largely drive themselves – so it’s not a sport. It’d be different if he was generating all the power for the vehicle by pedalling very quickly, but he isn’t.
Lewis Hamilton may be of athletic build but that doesn’t necessarily make him an athlete. I’ve seen plenty of well toned bar workers in Wetherspoon, but pulling pints isn’t a sport regardless of how many you can pour in an hour.
How fast do you have to drive a car for it to be considered a sport? 100mph? 150mph? 200mph? If it’s not speed that determines whether a certain activity is a sport but perceived levels of difficulty controlling your vehicle then shouldn’t all motorists be eligible for nomination?
Consider a taxi driver driving 3 women in labour inside a 1991 Lada Samara to hospital in extremely icy conditions with a rabid wolf in the back shitting all over the upholstery. If he gets everyone to the delivery rooms on time, rabies-free, then shouldn’t he win a nomination too?
Moving further down the results it’s clear to me that golf isn’t a sport. It’s gardening for rich people. Rory McIlroy seems like a nice person but then so does Alan Titchmarch and he’d be my go-to-man for Sports Personality Of The Year in 2015 if we’re gonna consider all forms of gardening as sport.
Golf may require a lot of skill but it’s ultimately pointless. It’s only popular because there are a lot of very bored people out there. Hitting a banana with a toothbrush into a tiddlywinks cup requires just as much skill but it rightly isn’t considered a sport as it’s fucking ludicrous. It would be a sport if 100 million dickheads did it weekly. That’s the only reason golf is considered a sport.
That leaves Jo Pavey the de-facto winner of the award.
Congratulations Jo. You had my vote.