Casting Aside My Fear Of The 100K And Continuing On With A 50 Mile Week.
I’m sorry for the lack of updates this week, the last couple of days have been hectic in work and trying to find time to update the blog as well as run and write the book has been a major fucking challenge.
After seemingly months of being terrified of the looming 100K race on May 24th I’ve finally came to the conclusion that it isn’t worth worrying about.
I’ve spent days literally incapacitated with fear. Days wasted where instead of running I’d go to the West End to drink to forget and feel 100x worse the next morning.
This fear hasn’t helped me as a runner. I’ve given in to it all too often and arguably made matters worse for myself.
I’m casting it aside for now and trying to do what I can to make things better.
I want running to be fun again.
I don’t think I’m anywhere fit enough to run a 100K race. I’ve been doing 40-50 mile weeks for quite some time now but I haven’t ran past 18 miles in ages.
It makes the whole challenge seem pretty fucking daunting to me. I wake up every single morning and think “100k….oh fuck.”. It’s not something that excites me anymore.
I dread it, it’s shit and I hate it.
When I started marathon training for the first time I never really felt like completing 26.2 was a truly impossible feat. I knew that if I kept to a training regime I’d cross the line at the end.
With this 100k it’s completely different. I’ve ran a 50k race before and it was rape like.
Is this gonna be twice that and worse?
I’m trying my best to stay positive and to keep moving forward. This week I’m aiming for 50 miles ran and 30 miles walked. Yesterday alone I ran 16 miles and walked 8.
But still. This isn’t fun. I’m not enjoying any of it. It’s all fucking toss and I’m not running an ultramarathon again after the 100K until I can at least properly complete a 26.2.
I’m attempting to see the 100k in a new light.
I know this negativity isn’t serving me well. It’s bringing me down and I am probably over thinking it at the minute.
It won’t be about pain or torture.
It will be about making my way slowly towards Brighton over the large part of a day.
And once this is all fucking over I can get back to enjoying races and not waking up every day with a shadow looming over me.
Perhaps that shadow will always be there regardless, I don’t know.
I don’t care.