Back On The Road

Choosing hope over croissants today.

I’m closing in on 500 days without a drink. I’m on day 491 and it’s pretty amazing. I want to hit 500 days knowing I’m in the best condition I’ve ever been in.

Moving forwards from a backwards step.

Yesterday was a warning in how it feels to be directionless. I spent so many days last year as a freelancer doing fuck all but eating junk food and watching shit TV. Not acceptable anymore. I’m getting old and I need to be past this.

Nothing fun about going out at night for a 5k in which I’ve almost rendered myself incontinent by the food I eat. Pretty fucking bleak. The running streak might still be alive but I fucking hate it when running is just damage limitation. It reminds me of my hangover runs where I’d punish myself by running harder and longer just to make up for what I’d done the night before.

I had so much fun doing my half marathon on Sunday night as I knew I was driving myself forward. Every day I woke up last week I was in a better position than the previous day. I’m not giving up on that shit because of one silly day!

I’ve 2 more weeks before I’m back home and it’s up to me to make those weeks count in whatever way I can. Lazing about and eating like shit isn’t a starter anymore. I’ve gotta make this time count.

I had an amazing week last week in terms of progress and I’m not going backwards. It’s much easier to go forwards today. It takes a little more sacrifice but I will genuinely feel better. And I really want to feel better. To be better.

Pizza doesn’t make me feel better even at the time. It’s tasteless shit and I end up feeling terrible for the rest of the day when I have it. Not too dissimilar from alcohol really.

Coping mechanisms need to make my life easier to deal with. Drinking, pizza and shit like that makes my life harder. I’m in the process of creating the life I don’t want to escape from. Western society exists primarily to crush your spirit and make life unliveable without alcohol, religion or drugs. When I’m balls deep in calzone, Guinness and Mastercard debt then I’m exactly where they want me.

Today I’m gonna undo all of the damage done yesterday and move forward from it.

Update : 1800 calories in vs about 3,500 out today. That’s almost yesterday completely taken care of. Now it’s time to continue this march onward and to stop looking back behind my shoulder so much!