A Distracted Rant Post About The Isle of Wight, Crazy Aunts and Psychedelic North London Bosses
I’m relaxed ahead of my ultramarathon on Saturday. Couldn’t be much different from my first ever 100k. I spent all week trying to get drunk enough to forget I was doing it. I should have been disqualified. My behaviour during the event was that of an insane cunt.
It was a formative experience. Sometimes you just have to get involved with shit you totally aren’t prepared for. I rarely read the manuals. I run off stubborn instinct mostly and it’s harmed me as much as it’s helped to be honest.
I’m running later tonight as I was in work late. It wasn’t the best day. Lots of swearing from me. Couldn’t be arsed running back home. I took to the High Road and ate all the junk on the way up through North London.
I’m not carb loading on purpose but it is happening. I’ve recently discovered the joy of Crunchie Tarts. I can often be seen walking up High Roads with a tray of shit in my hands. Usually opened. Usually crumbs around my mouth. A detached mess.
I tried explaining the Isle of Wight Challenge to Mother and she told me to stay well away from the cliffs. I told her that it’s gonna be difficult to do that as a lot of the run is around the cliffs.
We also talked about my mad Aunt who got so offended by my book she tore it up which is pretty ironic considering she is hardly a saint. My ma apparently told her to fuck off. Brilliant. I hate that Northern Irish conservative mindset. Morality to me is meaningless.
All a game of ritualised one-upmanship.
I’m on the bus with one of those crazy North London bastards right now. He spent about 5 minutes talking to the traffic lights. He was calling the red light the Police and the green light ‘Boss’. Hard to tell what drug he is on. Probably a psychedelic. He looks edgy as fuck so its probably acid. Doubt it’s mushrooms. They just make you confused and giggly. You have to be a mad cunt to take psychedelics in public. I always did it in the safety of my room. Usually when my parents were in the house. Pretty shitty thing to do, taking drugs when you are in your parents house.
Thankfully I never got caught. I did have an unfortunate incident when I vomited up cactus in front of a delivery man. I was trying to find a new life through a drug but was still making the same mistakes all day every day.
I got addicted to that song ‘New Life’ by Depeche Mode quite a bit in 2009 when I was at my fattest. I desperately wanted a new life but I didn’t know how the fuck to go about it.
When your past is a bit bleak it’s hard to see anything else in your future but more of the same.
I’m not doing too bad now. If I could see myself now from there I’d have had hope and I coulda stopped myself from going through a lot of silly shit.
You live and you learn until you stop, cunts.
My run was interesting. I did 4km. The loonies are out in London tonight. Some mad man kept yelling “you fucking copper cunt” at me. He didn’t throw anything my way which was nice of him.
Then I was running down Northumberland Park and got to a pelican crossing just as an ambulance car was pulling up. It stopped for me so I tried to fucking sprint across the road as someone could be dying from a fucking heart attack out there and I ended up tripping over my own legs and stumbled barely staying on my feet. I was furious with myself. I shouted fuck loudly and did like a Homer Simpson d’oh slap on my forehead.
What did the ambulance driver just see there from start to finish?