A Day In The Life Of Angry Jogger – The Food I Eat On An Average Day And The Stuff I Get Up To.
A few people have asked what I eat on an average and what I do activity wise to try to burn all the food off.
This is how I spend an average weekday when I run.
A Day In The Life Of An Angry Jogger
Breakfasts 1 & 2 (between 600-800 calories)
5am - Wake up stunned from a night of crazy dreams in a Nytol haze. I won’t be alert for at least 5 minutes as the alarm goes off.
I’ll have to fight the temptation to go straight back to sleep, often vowing to run twice tomorrow. I rarely believe my own bullshit though.
I will head downstairs for breakfast number #1 of the day which will typically be a Mars Bar.
I will turn the Playstation on and play a game of Fifa Soccer 13. If it goes badly I will slam dunk the controller into my bin and switch the game off without saving my progress.
5:30am to 7am - I will go on a 90 minute run (lasting on average 9 miles) around town, ensuring I arrive home with enough time to prepare for work. I always lubricate my nipples and thighs these days otherwise the shower later on will be full of difficulties.
If my nipples chafe then I am liable to waking the neighbours up once the hot water hits my chest in the shower.
If I’m feeling depressed in the morning the run will always elevate my mood. Sometimes the effect will be negibile and other times I will feel euphoric coming out of it.
Either way my day is more likely to be a success if I run. The hardest bit is getting up early. Once I do awaken fully, I never regret it.
At this time of the day I don’t have any hunger whatsoever. I sometimes make the mistake of eating when I’m not hungry and it cranks up my appetite.
7am to 7:30am – I will brush my teeth, watch some Netflix and prepare myself for the shower. It’s at this point in the day that I’ll feel ready to make a new start, drop the cynicism and attempt to be kind to people. The day is still full of potential.
7:30am to 7:40am – I will have an intense scrub in the shower covering only Carlin’s 4 key areas.
The shower phase is always chaos.
7:40 to 9:00 – I spend this time commuting to work. I have to walk 2.5 miles from each of the train stations to get there. I don’t mind commuting, but I hate it when the people next to me are gossiping about some silly shit like reality television. Whenever there is idle chatter I want to throw Starburst at their heads and give them a fucking wake-up call.
But I’m not willing to waste good confectionary on dickheads.
9am – I will have breakfast proper at my desk and will start the day on a healthy note with a ham + cheese sandwich and a 4 pack of Red Bull Sugar Free. I will spend the next few hours developing software, happy and full-up.
Lunch – (between 800 to 1000 calories).
12:45pm - Lunch. I always try to walk a mile at lunch to stretch my legs and to spend a little time in my own head in the fresh air. For lunch I’ll typically have 2 low fat pasta pots along with a chocolate Brownie. If I have enough cash I’ll buy a punnet of Strawberries instead of the Brownie.
Mid afternoon until dinner (between 500 to 700 calories)
5:30pm - I leave work and walk back to the train station hitting at least 3 of the convenience stores for Lindor, Hershey Bars, Reese’s Cups or Chewits.
I will also buy a can of imported Mug Root Beer for the train home.
Whilst commuting I will write down notes for a blog post idea in the Evernote application on my smartphone. I will be conscious that I’ve written the same shit 1000’s of times before, but phrased it in slightly different ways.
I’ll scrap most of my blog entries at an early stage as most are incoherent rants about how I’d like to round up whole-food shilling health freaks into a burning bus and leave them for dead.
Those rants don’t help anyone and I just feel bad when I do publish them.
Dinner – (400 to 500 calories)
7pm - Arrive home and have either a Pot Noodle or some Cheestrings for dinner. I fish the PS3 controller back out of bin and play Fifa 13 again for an hour.
I won’t have anything to eat after this as I’ll just be tired of eating.
8pm - Start to write blog post properly. I surf other running blogs I like and chat on Twitter. It’s here that I formulate my running plan for tomorrow too.
9pm - I pop a Nytol and head to bed.
After 30 minutes of taking the sleep aid tablet I can sense moving shadows in my peripheral vision.
The Nytol can sometimes make sleep more difficult because of this.
Running next morning after taking the medication is a fucking nightmare at too. I’m often in a trance and to my ears, the birds at dawn sound like cheap speakers in the trees.
I mistake mailboxes for large dogs.
Sometimes I hear indecipherable whispers and/or a telephone ringing in my head. I never ‘pick up’ in case it’s JFK asking me to go geocaching with him for the last remaining part of his skull on Dealey Plaza.
12 midnight – Sleep!
And a new day begins and the cycle starts over again.
Overall I aim for 3,000 calories of food on an average day and walk at least 5 miles to balance my calories.
Some days I eat more than 4,000 and do no exercise and it’s then that I really feel that I’m playing catch up with my diet.
I’m trying to keep my calorie consumption as close to the lowest value mentioned for each meal to help manage my weight.by