9 Reasons Why I Haven’t Joined A Running Club & Why I’m Unlikely Ever To.
I’ve thought about joining a running club on-and-off for the last 3 years but I’ve yet to sign up with one.
I can understand the benefits in joining. I could learn from people who actually know what they’re doing. The social aspect would be cool. I’d get discounts for race entries.
Yet I still haven’t joined one. Here are 9 reasons that have stopped me thus far.
- I don’t want to wear a club running shirt at races – It’s far too much like a uniform. I want to leave the possibility of running marathons open of running in a lovely ballroom gown (please refer to the point about bringing team into disrepute later in this post.).
The future for me if I don’t bring my Cheestrings and Erdinger habit under control.
- I train at odd hours – Due to work commitments the only time I can train outside the weekend is at 5am before work. There aren’t many teams out there that meet for practice at that time. Besides, by the time I’m home from the office, I’m in no mindset to put on my trainers.
- I run to get away from people – I’m an awkward bastard and I have difficulty trying to maintain a conversation for half an hour, let alone training with a group for hours on end. I’m alright at talking for a while, but after it I’m totally drained. I run so that I can have energy.
- I’ve bad memories of cross country running in school – I hated the competitiveness of running in college. We were all part of the same team, but I disliked most of my team-mates. I wouldn’t want to join a running club and end up resenting complete strangers. If I wanted to get into that racket, I’d join the army.
- I prefer going on race trips on my own – Again I love the freedom of traveling on my own. I can do what I want, when I want. The thought of having to travel with a group whilst we pass around bags of sandwiches and sing “Kum ba yah” makes me wanna chop my own cock off.
- I don’t like competing against other teams – Runners group together in their clubs based primarily on geographical location. I’ve no interest in competing against other teams from across the street who I have no bone to pick with. Rivalries bore the arse off me. The only rivalry I’m interested in is the one I have with the pale Mother in the mirror.
- I wouldn’t want to bring my team into disrepute – When I’m racing and I end up having shit attacks in country parks, my shame is my own, not my team’s. I’d like to keep it that way.
- I’d feel awkward standing still during group warm-ups – I hate when I’m at a race where some dick in spandex is telling everyone to stretch and do warm-up exercises. I just stand there like a spare prick in a gangbang waiting for it to start. I would resent having to do the same thing before club runs. Again, warming up reminds me of school and having to do squat thrusts along with other weird shit before running. Just cut to the fucking chase already!
- Meeting up with a running group is inconvenient – In order to meet up with a group I have to a) get out of bed b) wash c) make myself look presentable and d) travel to wherever they are starting their run from. By the time I’ve completed a) I could have started my run on my own. I don’t see the point in having a shower immediately before a solo run as I’ll be moving away from anyone who has the misfortune of smelling me.