8 Situations And Conditions Where You Shouldn’t Run With A Hangover.
So on Sunday I was so hungover from a Christmas party that I couldn’t run. Normally I’m fine with running when I’m a little hungover, but this was far from normal.
I felt ill. I couldn’t walk. I was dehydrated but couldn’t be assed rehydrating.
So I’m glad that I didn’t run.
Here are 8 situations where you shouldn’t run during a hangover.
- If you come back from your night out covered in blood – There’s every fucking chance that you’re wanted by the police if you awake in blood stained clothing. Keep a low profile and go on the treadmill if you have to exercise. If you must run, wipe all of the blood off you. It’s not good manners to go outdoors with blood smeared all over your face.
- If you’ve had ‘hair of the dog’ – There’s nothing like having a can of beer for breakfast to inspire confidence in your running abilities the next day. It masks your fear, but also has an awful effect on your ability to run. You might think you’re capable of a 3 minute mile whilst hammered, but it will all end in tears and/or vomit. I once ran drunk on Christmas day and it was a harrowing rape-like experience. I could feel the turkey coming up at every 0.05 mile interval. Not a pretty picture.
- If you are experiencing withdrawal hallucinations – Sure it may be fun to run from Satan on a unicycle, but that’s not really Satan! That’s your momma! And she isn’t trying to spear you in the eye with a trident. She’s trying to wave to you to say “you’re all fucked up honey! Stop drinking so much damn booze!”. Stay indoors until the DTs subside or be prepared to be in the national news.
- If you haven’t been to the toilet yet – Only serious gamblers will try to run when they haven’t seen what sort of hangover shit their body is producing. If you must run, then try to stay close to your house. Run 25,000 laps of your yard instead of your traditional Sunday long run. Otherwise bring some toilet paper with you. Oh and never ever trust a fucking fart. It will be a shart.
- If you have serious nausea – Some runners swear by ‘yawning’ all of their hangover out of them. You see those guys all the time in the gym on a Sunday morning. The toilet cubicles resemble something out of a convention for bulimics. It’s best waiting for the sickness to subside before you run. You don’t want to put your body under too much strain. And there’s nothing pretty about vomiting in the countryside. Some blind old guy with a guide dog will step in it and slip and it’ll all be your fault when it can’t see any more like the doggy on the left.
- If you’re really dehydrated – There have been times where I haven’t realised how dehydrated my body was after a drinking session, tried to run and broke down half way through the workout because of serious thirst. Always bring along fluids with you if you’ve to run hangover. Otherwise you’ll be tempted to go shoplifting in a convenience store and that’ll never end well, especially if you’re like me and struggling to run 10 minute miles at the moment.
- If you can’t walk at all after drinking – That old adage “you have to walk before you run” is true. “Sure I’ll run it off!” won’t work if you’re hobbling like a 105 year old man who has finally shat out the violin he mysteriously lost in World War II along with all of 1944’s lasagne.
- If you’ve just finished last night’s 24″ Pepperoni feast pizza – Sure you might feel better now and you may be eager to run it off, but if you run too soon your delicious breakfast pizza will be all over your shoes before you know it.