- I start to think of everything in terms of running even if it is completely unrelated – “Getting your genitals trapped in your sock drawer is like running a marathon. After a sore couple of hours on your feet, you regret ever entering it.”
- I envy joggers when I’m not running and want to chase after them - Do you know how dogs get excited when they see each other and sprint at each other? That’s how I feel when I see someone out running. Only I am not keen on sniffing any runner’s asshole. I know where you lot have been.
- It’s made me realise that I might actually be capable of murder - If a man walking 4 small dogs was to block the pavement whilst absentmindedly checking his smartphone, then there is every chance that I could freak out one day and eat someones face. The only thing is that I’m a piss-weak stick-insect of a man with a beer gut and around 99% of the population could probably break me.
- Entering all of these races hasn’t helped my bank balance - I know that I should be managing my finances better but I can’t seem to control my impulsive nature. I spend hours perusing marathon calendar sites and checking for cheap flights to places I can’t even pronounce and it fills my life with joy. Then I get my credit card bills and I think “Why the fuck did I enter a 100 mile naked race in a puffin sanctuary in the Falklands?”
- I lose patience when I feel life is going too slow - With all my experiences of running over the past 2 years, I can’t seem to fit enough into my life. There’s not enough time. When I’m queuing somewhere I start to lose my mind and want to shout “There’s a fucking recession on here and we’re all going to die! Hurry the fuck up!”
- I’m overly worried about road traffic accidents - I’ve had a few near misses with traffic and I still get the awful feeling that one day I won’t be so lucky crossing the road. It’s an insidious thought that I can filter out at most times but it’s still there at the back of my mind. It only takes one lapse in concentration to enter a world of pain.
- I depend on running a lot to feel normal - As much as it pains me to say this, I feel either really manic, or really down depending on how the day has progressed if I haven’t been running. Jogging stabilises my mood and I don’t see the world in such contrast. It’s dangerous when you rely on anything outside of yourself for peace of mind.
- I’m a running hypochondriac - Every little sensation/tingle in my legs is a stress fracture. Every time my heart skips a beat, I think it is the onset of a cardiac arrest. Sometimes I can listen to my body too much. There has got to be a middle ground between being vigilant about possible injuries and letting my mind go hog-wild.
by Matt the Angry Jogger
Angry Jogger loves running to lose and maintain his weight. He started running as an obese man and is now only overweight at 200lbs. He started off at 280lbs.