How Disappointments Can Actually Help You Grow Stronger.
I’ve decided I’m never gonna fundraise for charity under a discounted or free place again. The pressure isn’t good for my mind. I’d rather pay for my entry in full and then fundraise on top of it.
I was down yesterday and with that always comes the “why not just get fucking drunk” madness. It’s insane. If you shit your pants there’s no point in pissing yourself just to spite yourself.
That’s why I’m still gonna fundraise for Mind. But to do that I have to be mentally healthy myself. Otherwise it’s just the blindest leading the blinder.
When you let yourself down you always feel that part of you dies at the time and it seems like a tragedy but it’s never a part of you that’s vital to your being. Disappointing experiences present an opportunity for your resolve to flourish. I always recover well if I let myself recover.
Tomorrow is the first day of May. At the minute my diet is hopeless and if I continue down this track I’m going undo all the work I fought for in February. I’m going back to recording calorie deficits for May. I’ve no other choice. I need a fucking positive reaction as I’m tired of being down and I am not fucking staying down.
I have to run 500km in May otherwise I will pay the difference in £s in another forfeit to my fundraiser. The only exception is if I get severely injured or die. No more excuses.
I can make a success of May. I’m hoping to enter London 2 Brighton this week. The only thing that is stopping me is the lack of a hotel in Brighton. I like having a place to go to after the race. It’s a shitter getting the train back. Especially one that’s run by the dickheads at Southern.
In this post I talk about my previous disappointments and how I used them to better myself over time.
- I was disappointed that I could never seem to keep to a diet to help me lose weight this year – So I started a month in February of trying to record a calorific deficit and I succeeded. I lost over 10lbs by eating shit like an entire box of cereal for breakfast.
- I was disappointed at losing my job – At the moment I’m working freelance with charities and there’s a real sense of satisfaction in what I am doing. When people believe in me and challenge me then I rise to the occasion. I just need self belief now.
- I was disappointed after The Green Man – Dropping out after 4 miles was a lot worse than dropping out after 22 yesterday. That experience made me prepare my gear more for events. Initially I reacted badly to that and promised to never run trail events again but I didn’t stick to it thankfully. I do need to be aware of more technical events though as I’m not great when it comes to staying on my feet.
- I was disappointed after dropping out of London 2 Cambridge 2015 – It was at this point I knew I had an alcohol problem. I was drinking consistently more than I wanted and I knew something was wrong. It is such a lonely place to be in. I was terrified of telling anyone about my drinking as declaring yourself as an alcoholic is taboo in the UK even when we have an alcoholic culture. Anyway my training had been inconsistent in the lead up to the race. I quit booze soon after this and my training has been very consistent since then. I completed the same event I’m 2016 in 15 hours 30 minutes. I was still disappointed about the Cambridge run a week after so I entered the Thames Path Challenge 50k a week after it and finished it.
- I was disappointed with my run streak at first. By the end of January 2016 the idea of running every day seemed incredibly fucking dull. So I came up with the idea of running 29 half marathons in 29 days in February 2016. And I did it, even though on the last day I nearly shit myself, had to stop after 4 miles and retry that half marathon. I ran 14 miles on the last half and 18 for the day and almost 400 miles for the month.
- I was disappointed with dropping out of Thames Path Challenge after it got dark and my nausea peaked – So I worked on my speed and did my first ever outdoor sub 50 minute 10k and recorded a new fastest kilometer of 3:57 last month. I decided that eating 30 gels I’m a race might be the thing that’s making me ill.
- I was disappointed at how my training dropped dramatically at the end of last year. So I made the decision to set myself the goal of running 5,000km in 2016 which meant doing over 450km in December. I ran 5001km.
- I was disappointed with my 27 hour time at London 2 Brighton in 2014. So I came back in 2016 and took 10 hours off that time.