7 Non Verbal Cues That Amateur Runners Receive From The General Public.
When we’re out running we’ll typically receive a lot of non-verbal cues from pedestrians, drivers and other runners.
In this post I’ve listed the 7 most common non-verbal cues I get when I’m outside. These are particularly relevant and likely to happen if you’ve only just started running recently.
- Pitying smile – “Aw look, he’s out exercise and he’s even bought shiny green shoes! God bless his cotton socks!” I get this from good spirited old people who can see how I’m struggling with my running. They don’t mean to patronise me. It’s just they’re (rightly) worried about my new lifestyle choice.
- Disgusted look – “Mate, you’ve shit down your legs and your titties are bleeding! I’m gonna ring the police if you don’t call the ambulance first!” From those who have never seen a runner at war with his environment. I’m meant to be an inspiration to you not to be seen as a biochemical threat to you and your Queen.
- Annoyed grimace – Typically from small dog owners who believe that the pavement is theirs and theirs alone. You also get the same annoyed grimace from the mother’s with clown car vaginas that are out wheeling their little units of space debris to the soup kitchen for some Heroin infused Scotch Broth.
- The look of ‘holy hell, he’s out running? He used to be a total slob!?’- If you’ve only started running and you used to be fatty, then old associates who have just seen you for the first time in years may be surprised that you can actually move at all, let alone run. Ignore them. They are probably married with 12 children and hate everything they’ve ever created (or married).
- Outright laughter – I’ve only had this once and it was with 2 teenagers who were doubled over with the lolz at what I can only assume was my poor running form. At the time I wanted to shout “So then, what do you find so funny you idiot? My little beanie hat? My pink runners? My sexy running moves? Suck a cock, any cock!”. Sometimes we’ve gotta concede that we look completely ridiculous to people that don’t matter.
- The “I’m concerned for your health” stare – “Are you sure you’re not dying young man? I have a mobile telephone. I can ring an ambulance for you and they’ll sort your lungs right out!” No thanks lady, I’m trying to make it home in time for my weekly wank to “Deal Or No Deal”. That’s why I’m breathless.
The whole concept of opening boxes gets me each and every time.
- The “you could be a rapist, but I’m not quite sure yet” gaze – So you’ve finally managed to incorporate some fartlek runs into your schedule and just as you’re on the home straight at 6am in the morning, you run behind a lady who isn’t ready to set off her rape alarm just yet. You can sense she’s nervous so you try to breathe less loudly and run in a more ‘normal’ way. The only problem is that once you change how you’ve been running she’ll become even more suspicious and you’ll then be in a position where a pepper spraying is inevitable.