6 Reasons Why I’ve Quit My New Year’s Fitness Resolutions In Previous Years.

Well we’re getting to that point in January where many people’s New Year’s resolutions are starting to fail.

Personally speaking I didn’t run at all this weekend as the weather’s been awful and my sleep cycle is truly messed up.

This isn’t a big deal but in previous years I’d consider this grounds for quitting my New Year’s resolutions.

But I’m never ever giving up until either the Sun explodes or I do.

Here are a list of reasons why my New Year’s resolutions have failed in the past.

1. I’ve been very unrealistic with my goals (most years) – Last year I tried to give up alcohol for January and follow the Weight Watchers diet at the same time. 2 weeks into January, I fell off the dieting wagon and then started drinking again as I felt like I’d failed with one of my goals, therefore it was time to fail with everything. The solution to this is to be realistic with your goals. Stop drinking for January or eat better. If you try to change too much at once, you may well fail and be sad.
2. I’ve been too vague (2011, 2012)  – “I want to run more!” What does that mean exactly? Do you want to run more weekly miles, more races or run for longer distances/periods of time? You need something to measure your progress against, to be successful in the long or short term. Setting yourself a goal like running 500,1000,1500 miles in 2014 is a good idea to get you going but in order to be successful you need to break it up into sub goals and accomplish other things throughout the year too. This year I’m aiming for 2014 miles (because it’s a cute number!) and I want to run over 200+ miles in 6 months. Better get to it!
3. I’ve made resolutions that don’t even exist – For years I believed shit like “In the New Year I want to become the new me!”. What does that even mean? The new you doesn’t exist. It’s a gimmick created by the dieting industry to try to make you subscribe to their fad diet. The new you is sitting there right now on your chair masturbating to CNN and eating cake. To feel better about yourself, change the channel, stop wanking and only eat half of your portion of cake (after washing your hands). You change yourself gradually and you’ll never hit a point where you think “Yay the new me has descended! Goodbye old me! You were a whore of a man!”
   
   The new Jared probably still feels as empty inside as the old Jared. Only, now he can see his dick. 
4. I’ve believed the cynics and not tried to change my life at all (every year before 2009) – I know I’ve been cynical about setting New Year’s resolutions in the past but there comes a point where that cynicism can do more harm than good. Everyone has to change at some point. For many that’s on New Year’s day. For quite a long time I’d just ignore the date and assume that only other people changed on those days. It’s better to try to change your life on ANY day as opposed to never trying.
   
   Bono was wrong. Shit does change on New Year’s Day but you’ve gotta make it happen and for your own reasons. 
5. Once I’ve failed once with my resolutions, I’ve given up entirely – My earlier attempts at trying to change my life can be summarised in the following sentence “Ouch! I’ve been eating too many Mars Bars for too long! I’d better stop eating Mars Bars! Oh shit! I’ve eaten a Mars Bar! That means my healthy phase is over! Oh well! I always knew I was a failure! Well….these Mars Bars won’t eat themselves!”. You don’t ruin your resolutions through one bad choice just like you won’t change your life with one single commitment. I’ve only managed to keep on running for so long by recommitting every day and learning from my successes and failures.
6. I’ve made resolutions that mean nothing to me – Everyone’s eating less pizza. Everyone’s drinking less wine. Everyone’s trying to fit into their little red dress. And for why? To try to impress idiots they hate. If you’re trying to change yourself to gain acceptance from anyone you don’t really like, then you need to assess your shit. Originally I was trying to lose weight to stop being bullied in school, but even if I had managed to succeed, they’d have found another way to ridicule me. I used to loathe the statement “you’ve gotta change for your own reasons!” but it’s true. Finding those reasons is difficult originally. But they do exist. You are worth investing in. You can and will make the change for the better if you stop eating all of the cake and masturbating all the time.

 So, how have you failed in your New Year’s resolutions in the past?