6 Months Sober
This was my dinner at Tenerife South airport just before my flight back to London Gatwick in November last year. The waiter was hesitant in giving me the 1.5 litres of beer as it was intended for a group and I was on my own but I charmed my way into it.
I stayed overnight at the Travelodge at Gatwick and woke up wishing that I’d never started drinking alcohol and this was a key moment for me.
Because it’s when you really wish you’d never started drinking that you know it’s time to try to quit.
I stopped drinking for 5 days between the Monday I arrived back in the UK and the next Saturday. I watched non-stop coverage of the Paris attacks and it kinda unnerved me. So I went up to Sainsbury’s and bought a bottle of red wine. And then followed it up with more Polish lager from the 24/7 store up the street.
The next night I had another 5 cans of Polish lager and I hated every sip.
I woke up on Monday feeling hopeless and fucking defeated.
I knew by now that I wasn’t in control of my drinking and it was just making me miserable. Time and time again I’d drank too much. Time and time again I was having to justify the unjustifiable.
I didn’t have to drink anymore. I didn’t want to drink anymore.
Ever since that morning I haven’t drank and to be honest I haven’t missed it at all. The key has been to promise myself not to drink just for today. No excuses. No bullshit. No fucking around. 24 hours.
I’ve been open with people about my problems and that’s helped me be accountable. The support I’ve received has been amazing and it’s made this so much easier.
I have more money, more freedom, I’m fitter, I’m happier, I’m stronger, I have more conviction, I care less about what people think and I’m enjoying life.
In February I ran a half marathon on every single day of the month. In March I went on holiday around Europe without booze. I never thought I could enjoy a break sober but it turned out to be the best month of my life.
Know why I didn’t smile in my selfies? Because I don’t fucking have to smile if I don’t want to. Everyone is smiling when they feel fucking empty. You have no control over how you feel so you drink and take drugs to make everything seem tolerable.
That’s the world we live in. And it’s a world I hate. I only have control over how I act and react so I choose not to drink and be a victim.
Today I still wish I hadn’t started drinking alcohol and that’s why I’m not drinking only for today.
I don’t give a fuck what tomorrow brings. It’s none of my concern. All I know is that tomorrow will be better than if I drink today/tonight. Nothing good can come from it.
I’m making plans for a run across America sometime before 2020. It’s always been a dream of mine and I know I can do it sober. It’s just about saving enough money for it to do it properly with hotels and guesthouses.
I’d have never even thought of this if I was still drinking. When you’re constantly hungover you’re just focused on forgetting all of the silly shit you got up to and waiting for the sickness to go. If that’s adventure and fun, it can go and fuck itself hard.