In this post I will outline 25 things that prove your running addiction is just the same as any other chemical addiction out there.
- You use running to change your headspace - Feeling down? A run will fix you. On a high? Running will take you higher. Dismayed at being in court today for stealing Mo Farah’s underwear? A run will give you the clarity to explain to the judge what the fuck was going on in your head when the police caught you huffing Bodyglide from his undies.
- You get defensive when people say you run too much - “How can I do too much of something that makes me feel so good?”
- It’s causing problems in your relationships - You’ve been kicked out of bed multiple times for falling into a cramp after a long run and moaning the words “negative split again motherfucker!” in your sleep sporadically. You’ve been thrown out of Christmas Dinner for coming back late from a run and sweating onto the turkey and the sprouts.
- You need your running fix to feel normal - Initially running brought a lot of joy into your life like any good drug, now you need it just to feel sane. If you don’t run you’ll fall into states of catatonic despair.
- You have a love/hate relationship with running - You love it when you can’t do it and you fucking hate it when you can. You hate the thought of starting on a run but once you’re out there you love it again.
- You deny that your running problem is really that bad - After all you know a guy who runs twice as much and has nipples that are so calloused he can grate cheese on them.
- Running has caused drastic changes in your appetite - You’re either not hungry at all or you’re fucking starving. You see nothing wrong with demolishing a huge bag of Dorito’s or eating an extra large pizza on your own.
- You experience extended periods of excitability - You dance with excitement when you enter a new race/buy a new pair of shoes/strike up a conversation on Twitter with another runner. You then fall into despair when you realise that race training isn’t always fun and games.
- You always go out and say you’ll only run 3 miles but end up running 13 - And you come back covered in sweat, shit and blood and all you can do is grin from ear to fucking ear!
- You try to push your drug of choice onto everyone else - “Ever tried running? It’s amazing! You should give it a go. It’ll change your life for the better man”. When people refuse to reciprocate your passion for the sport you become angry at them for refusing free bliss.
- Your personal grooming standards drop significantly whilst you’re acquiring your fix - You don’t shower until you’ve finished your run. You’re happy to run in old dirty gear as you’ll only get sweaty anyway. You don’t give a shit if you cover yourself in spit and snot as long as you’re out there putting in the miles.
- All of your money goes on paraphernalia - Just like a pothead spends all of his money on vaporisers, grinders and bongs, you shit away all your spare cash on shoes, gear and races.
- You know there will be a day where you’ll have to stop using and that makes you very sad indeed - You can’t envisage a worthwhile life that doesn’t involve running.
- You’ve toyed with quitting before - But you just can’t seem to kick the habit. The endorphins bring you back each and every time.
- You take comfort in your fellow addicts through a running club, support group or online community - ”We’re not addicts! We’ve got this under control! It’s everyone else that’s fucked up! Not us!’
- You go into withdrawals if you can’t run – You start to feel down. You get jealous of others who can get their fix. Your sleeping becomes fucked up. You feel like an alien in your own brain.
- Your habit has caused damage to your body - You have aching nips, chaffing, black toenails and all of the other symptoms of leprosy but what do you do? You run through all of the pain.
- You’ve changed big time since you’ve taken up running - Ask anyone who knew you before you became a runner and they’ll testify that your personality has changed completely.
- You run in dangerous conditions and circumstances - You’ll run through any ghetto. You’ll run in any weather. Who cares about the hookers or the pimps as long as you run, right?
- You lose control of your bodily functions regularly - Your clothes are covered in blood. You become borderline incontinent on the longer runs. Your nose leaks like a hydrant. You see it all as a small price to pay for attaining your high.
- You refuse conventional therapy as your drug is your therapy - That “Running Is Cheaper Than Therapy” slogan isn’t a joke. Most runners use their habit to treat everything from mild depression to full-blown psychosis. If the voices in your head are imploring you to drop your balls in the microwave oven for Salvation, then a run will fix you right up Mister!
- You’ve built up a tolerance to running - You can run for 5 miles now easily but it isn’t enough for you anymore. You have to go further. 5 miles is just a warmup now. It’s not even a real run. Your brain won’t start pissing out those feel-good chemicals until you’re past 10 now and it’s only gonna get worse.
- You’ve lost control over your running - You’ve entered 15 races recently and don’t know how the fuck you’re gonna fit them all into your training schedule. You’ll manage. You’re in control after all.
- You find yourself thinking about your drug of choice all of the time - It invades all of your daily thoughts. “I think I should go shopping for a nice wand for Frank in the smut shop……hey! I know! I could run to the dong store! I could buy 2 extra large wands and carry them with me in each hand to strengthen my Core!”
- You can’t understand ‘non-users’ - “How the fuck can anyone else get by without running? Are they mental?” No! You’re the one with problem!
by Matt the Angry Jogger
Angry Jogger loves running to lose and maintain his weight. He started running as an obese man and is now only overweight at 200lbs. He started off at 280lbs.