10 Signs That You’re Suffering From The Post Long-Run Blues.
I’ve been feeling shit and depressed and fucked up since my 20.7 mile run on Sunday.
I’m afflicted with the post long-run blues. I hate everything to do with fitness. I want to sit inside a darkened room and eat very creamy yoghurts and move as much as your mother does as the fruit cart’s wheeling it’s way through her train to SHITSVILLE.
Here are some clues that you’re suffering the post long-run blues.
- You cannot stop eating junk food and you just don’t care – Even though you know you’re undoing some of your hard work, you can’t revert to healthier ways of being. You just don’t care. Fuck it all. Besides it’s far too difficult to eat vegetables in your current state. Brownies go down much better. Om-nom-nom.
- You’re suffering from violent mood swings – At one minute you’re raving to your friends about your latest crusade to break the 5 hour half marathon and the next moment you’re in a state of catatonic despair that will only disappear once you shave all of your pubic hair off with the aid of a plastic fork.
- You are still walking funny and this makes you feel self conscious and sad – Maybe you’re thinking you have done real damage to your spine or knees this time. I just don’t have the energy to move faster than a crawl at the minute. When I’m crossing the road I almost pray for cars to hit me so that the ambulance will hopefully drop me off to where I was meant to be going first before taking me to hospital.
- You think that you’re getting the flu – You’re run down, disorientated and you just don’t give a fuck about anything. It’s time to re-watch the films you’ve seen 1,000 times to savour a little bit of easy joy hoping that you’ll feel human again. Go to bed early and you’ll be better in the morning.
- You can’t stomach the thought of running that long again – You know how those last few miles felt. You know much it took to push through the wall and the thought of doing it all again makes you want to give it up for good. There’s only so much you can give before you have to pack it in.
- You fall into depressive moods when you reflect on your running and your life – You will always struggle, you will always be slow, nothing can ever change. You’re fucked. Give up now, start a fat-pride blog and see how long it takes you to become house bound on Cake. Start to campaign for races to have weight classes! Become the first 800lb runner to run a mile in under half an hour! EAT LOTS OF CAKE AND SHOW US YOUR TITS!
- The thought of taking running supplements like gels makes you feel ill – After eating 16 gels on your 10k run, you still have that sickly sensation in your belly and you never want it back.
GU, drink in a gallon of Slimer’s jizz! Now in Cool Apple flavour.
- You sleep for long but it never seems to refresh you – Maybe it is because you keep cramping up in bed or the inside of your legs are that chaffed that the only way you can sleep is if you keep your legs wide open.
- You dread the races that your training for, a little bit more – Training runs are meant to prepare you for the big day, but sometimes you feel that far from your target that its daunting. For example, you run 18 miles in training for a marathon and it leaves you completely exhausted. You can only have faith that you’ll run those last 8.2 miles, but in reality you’re fucking terrified that it’s an insurmountable challenge.
- You’re sick of having to behave on your weekends and you wanna go wild – You can’t go out and drink 10 pints on a Saturday and hope to nail a 20 mile run on a Sunday. You have to sacrifice some of the fun but will still feel all of the pain on a Monday.