10 Reasons Why I Prefer Running On My Own Over Running With Other People.
I don’t like showering before my morning run. I shower after it – If I’m training with someone I have to shower beforehand to ensure my cock fumes aren’t blowing a hole through the ozone layer. I’d rather just let myself stink, run and then shower afterwards. I’m running away from people so they will only smell me for a few seconds. This is why I won’t join running clubs or go to the gym anymore. It’s too much hassle to wash, go to the gym and wash again.
Saying that, my attitude towards hygiene might also be the reason why I suffer so many dog attacks. The dogs with their noses can sniff something spoiled and it’s as if they know I’m running with a rotten shank of gammon down my pants.
- I don’t have to make small talk when I run alone – I don’t have to worry about whether the awkward silences are caused by my own lack of social skills or my partners. There is no misinterpreting your partners sighs, groans or general body language when you run on your own. All of this shit is tremendously off putting when I’m just trying to keep moving.
- I like changing my route without a debate – Sometimes my heart tells my brain to head to the hills and frolick with the bunnies. A change of route requires consensus and most runners just want to stick to the route and then go home to bed. I’d rather cut out all indecision and go with my heart.
- I also like changing pace without asking for permission or giving a reason – One of the things I love most dearly about running is randomly shifting pace for the hell of it. It’s harder to do that when someone is with you. I prefer the freedom of being alone. Especially in the morning when I’m feeling playful, I like to BARK really fucking loud. And then accelerate and leave the neighbours to figure out who has escaped from the mental home.
- I don’t like being the victim of someone else’s schedule – I’m already a victim of my own. Relying on a running partner can suck. You’ll hate them if they want to run too much. You’ll hate them if they run too little. Either way, resentment will quickly build and you’ll hate the very sight of the person and the stupid fucking way that they run. And their stupid fucking head.
- People don’t always train for the same races – You might be training for a marathon 3 months down the line and your partner may be training for a race next month. You might want to run 3 miles easy and they might want to do 8 miles tempo. Someone is going to be unhappy. Cut out the resentment and run on your own.
- I run much better when I’m listening to music by myself – And I’d feel ignorant running with a partner whilst listening to songs. With an Mp3 player I can just focus on the music and my running. If I was with someone and they stopped me to ask what I was listening to, I’d get all slappy with my paws.
- Running alone is more dangerous and that sense of danger fuels me on – I always feel on high alert on my early morning runs which seems to make running much, much easier.
- I like to experience a run – If I see something of beauty on a run like a sunrise and I’m not alone I’ll say ‘that’s a nice sunrise, isn’t it?’ and that will be that. On my own I can feel the light of it burning away at me and it will change my entire day. Describing something like that to someone else takes something away from it.
- Most importantly, if I shit, then I can probably get away with it on my own – If I do soil myself running, then I can almost get away with it without others noticing (as long as I’m not wearing shorts..). I won’t have to put with evil stares and put downs from the person next to me whilst we’ve still got 5 miles to run.