I’m fucking sick of reading all of those blog posts about the rules you must obey, or the qualities or traits you must have to be a runner.
Fuck all of that shit right there with a putting iron.
The point of this post is to try to convince you that anyone can become a runner.
Here are a list of the things that you don’t have to possess to be a runner.
- Runners genes - “I can’t run! I wasn’t born a runner!” Shut up and listen to the Boss you fucking asshole. You might run with all of the grace of a cross-eyed goat running up a non-existent hill on Ketamine, but you can still move forward. Even if your forward is no one else’s forward.
- Ambition - You don’t have to want to run a marathon to be a runner. You don’t have to want to be the best, just the best you can be at this moment. Starting is all that’s important. If you’re running your first mile or your first 5k, that’s great. Run the race you wanna run and then see where you are after that. You’ll want to do more. Go further. Go faster. But start small and let it build naturally.
- A love of exercise - I used to think exercise was for dickheads. Looking back on my last 445 posts, I’m still sold on that idea. Seriously though, you might have hated exercise in the past, but sometimes it takes you to exercise for your own reasons to really enjoy it. You don’t have to take it seriously. It’s probably best you don’t. The love will eventually come with enough time and patience, much like your mother.
- Youth on your side - Running isn’t just for young farts. You can start regardless of how old you are and still enjoy yourself. It can and will be the start of the bright next chapter in your life. Life’s too short to throw in the towel and fade away, kick Death in the balls and make him your Nancy.
- To be the perfect weight - If you are 10, 25 or 50lbs overweight at the moment, it doesn’t matter. When I was 50lbs overweight I walked on the treadmill at the gym until I was able to jog at a very slow speed. The more exercise that you do, the easier it becomes. Weight loss follows and everything becomes that little bit easier.
- The perfect lifestyle - You don’t have to eat clean to be a runner. If you enjoy junk food now and are overweight, taking up running is a great way to help bring your weight under control. If you cut out some of the junk food and up the running, then you can improve your body and your mind at the same time.
- To ‘know’ how to run – So you don’t think you can run then, old bean? Take the following example. You’re walking alone down a quiet lane and out of nowhere a man dressed up as Marilyn Monroe emerges from the hedgerows and pouts at you whilst swinging a leather whip around his head like a mace.
Do you a) Google ‘how to run quite f**ing quickly’ on your smartphone or b) run quite f**king quickly?
- To have enough time to run 7 times a week - if you can spare even 30 minutes twice a week you will start to make progress. The most important step to becoming a runner is consistency. It’s better to start off small and use that as a base to build upon. If you start out too ambitious and run 5 times a week it can be difficult to keep that up. Be realistic and move forward from there.
- The nerve to run outside - Running indoors on a treadmill is just as effective as running outdoors. Give it time and you might change your mind too and decide to run in the Great Outdoors.
- To subscribe to positive thinking mumbo jumbo - You don’t have to think positively to be a runner. When I first started running I was negative as fuck and wanted to kill everything. I thought that everyone and everything was staring and laughing at me and I hated most of it for so long. Then after a while I kinda realised that it wasn’t healthy to spend the entire run thinking about homicide, murder or death. I grew an appreciation for the brighter side of running. I didn’t think positive thoughts. I just stopped believing all of the negative shit that was going through my head. All of that positive mental attitude stuff is just noise to drown out the negativity within. You don’t have to believe in either the positive or the negative. What I do now if I have a negative thought when running is ask myself “will this thought make me stop running?”. It’s always a no, particularly if the thought is “Wow. I’ve never seen anyone with that shape of head before. Are you there God?”
by Matt the Angry Jogger
Angry Jogger loves running to lose and maintain his weight. He started running as an obese man and is now only overweight at 200lbs. He started off at 280lbs.