10 Non-Running Excuses I’ve Used Before That Are Acceptable.
At the start of January I considered running every day for as long as possible. It started well but as I covered greater distances it quickly became impractical to continue on with the streak.
Now I’ve completely given up on the idea.
Well sometimes I think it’s absolutely necessary to have a rest day! Here are the valid excuses I’ve in the past to not run.
- I can’t run as I’m chaffed beyond hell – This was yesterday’s excuse. The inside of my legs resembled the base of a charred pizza. I could barely waddle let alone walk. Showering couldn’t even happen until this morning. If I’m not physically able to shower, then I’m not running just to keep up a silly streak.
I didn’t want to post this image, but this is really how bad my leg chaffing has become.
- I’m not running as it’s icy outside – What’s the point in risking an ankle sprain or worse for the sake of a few miles? If I’m injured I can’t run at all.
- I can’t run as I’m still drunk from last night – Whilst I try to run through hangovers where possible as a form of punishment for being so stupid, I refuse to run drunk. I’ve tried that before and it’s never as fun as it sounds at the time. It always ends in pain and vomit. When I’m drunk I always want to go on a Tolkienesque adventure to the local forest where I think I’ll be taught the wonders of life by a magical Reindeer. In reality I’m more likely to be fucked and split open by a marauding sett of Badgers.
- I’m not running as there are currently riots happening outside – Yes. I’m from Northern Ireland. Yes. Riots occasionally happen. It’s best not to risk having a molotov cocktail for dessert just for the sake of a 4 mile run. And yes, running away from riots is a good form of speedwork if and only if you’re already quick enough to outrun a baying mob.
Mo would be OK. I wouldn’t.
- I’m not running as I have a head cold that’s turned into a chest infection – The last few times I’ve ran through a chest infection it has lingered on for weeks. My last chest infection lasted from mid-December 2013 until only a few days ago because I wasn’t smart enough to just rest for a while at the start of January.
- I can’t run as I’ve just landed here on holiday after 15 hours of traveling – I tried convincing myself that running in Vegas would be a good idea to overcome jet-lag when I first landed there in November. I’m fucking glad I didn’t go through with that plan. Sleeping for 10 hours in my bed was heaven.
- I’m not running as the only way I can run today is on a goddamn treadmill – I just can’t run on these fucking things anymore. First of all I don’t have a gym membership. Secondly, I’m not paying £5 to run on belt for 20 minutes before thinking ‘fuck it all, never mind the stench rising from my sack, I’m hailing a taxi home!’.
- I can’t run as I ran 18 miles yesterday and my body is broken – I’d rather listen to my body and rest than risk a ‘recovery’ run the next day. Sometimes the best way to recover is to just…recover.
- I’m not running as there’s a serious thunderstorm on outside – And I need a thunderbolt to my tits like I need a pair of balls on my chin.
- I can’t run as I have a pain in my knee/leg before I’ve even started running – This isn’t so much an excuse but just sanity. If you have pain before a run then the chances are that running isn’t gonna fix it. It will only make it worse.